I have been on FetLife probably at least a decade, just checked I signed up in December of 2008. I migrated over there after Dark Connections shuttered it’s very active message board and sent us over to Fet to create a new home. That’s fine. We had a built in community upon arrival which was great. However, slowly but surely it died out and I was left to the wilds of Fet on my own. There are POC, in particular Black, kinksters there they have definitely ebbed and flowed with activity over that time and the new younger group that is emerging now feel like they could be my kids so while we can have some interesting conversations they aren’t the reason I would stay in a place because we are having entirely different experiences in kink right now. I met my last Dominant partners through Fet so in lots of ways it gave me some things I may not have found elsewhere because I tend to live in rural areas with limited opportunities to find kinky people who look like me.
Even with all of that though I have been on and intermittently active on the site because there seems to be a weird current of white guy douchery happening with no ways to block yourself from it. I’ve seen young Black women asking desperately to be able to hide themselves from race players who approach them aggressively and still can be a problem even after a block hammer. Some of those people float into groups spewing hatred and foolishness but they aren’t really punished. At worst they are kicked out of the group. I’ve had to block people myself who just want to show me their dick pictures with no warning and gotten aggressive because I don’t want to indulge their jungle fever fantasies. So I was already having conflicting feelings about remaining in a space that didn’t seem to be nurturing who I am in this moment.
And then the fearless leader of Fetlife started an unnecessary and ultimately stupid/painful/divisive post in his “decision making process” (consider those air quotes not direct quotes) about whether or not people should be free to explore Fet free of political conversation or not. He largely ignored the POC and LGBTQ members asking why this was even under consideration if he wasn’t going to also address the racists, Nazis and transphobic/homophobic people on the site. And then he just turned the thread off and went to bed. The next day he initially joked about it being a system test before later saying he had been serious but wasn’t going to do it based on feedback so there PC warriors be happy. I definitely cannot code for shit and I don’t want to pretend to deal with some of the issues that running a site of that size would require. At an earlier point, I happily supported Fet when they were facing issues because I was grateful for the space. But this weekend was just peak white fuckboy and I am super done. I don’t engage there enough as it is to stay when I am so actively disgusted with leadership. So yeah Fuck You John Baku. I doubt he cares about the folks like me that are super done with the site especially since he already has the money we gave up willingly. If you want to know what I’m up to just follow me here. I doubt there will be any photos posted here like on Fet but who knows. If I can figure out how to lock them down you just may. For now deuces to spaces that don’t embrace us.
1 thought on “Fuck you John Baku”
I've been seeing a lot of that lately in places that I once deemed ok to venture in. I've long given up on them for these very same reason. In a world that has become over sensitive to the most randomly mediocre bullshit, it has also become the most cowardly. I think you made the right decision.
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