So I have been home since about 2 on Sunday afternoon. I have been running full steam until this morning though. The joys of going back to work after a great vacation. My voice is still kinda funky but other than that it was a tiny blessing just to be able to sleep past 6:30 this morning. And then the best thing ever happened when I was up long enough to turn the damn alarm off—it was raining. Rain is both a sedative and an aphrodisiac for me. If I’m alone it’s the equivalent of someone tucking me in and rocking me back to sleep. If I’m not alone well let’s just say the water works won’t just be a board piece in Monopoly. Wait is that on the new Monopoly boards now? I hope so or damn I’m getting old.
Anyway, I wasn’t sure I had any major expectations of this trip after attending the inaugural APK event in June. It could be like a huge deal or it could b a low key function with old friends gathering and have me feeling like odd woman out. Upon arriving Thursday afternoon, I was pretty sure there was going to be massive disappointment on the horizon. There was no one to greet attendees, the hotel was just ok, and nothing was ready to go. Granted I’m not a hotel snob but this would have been a stopover hotel on a long trip not the destination spot. But hey my plan wasn’t to be sleeping much so this shouldn’t be a huge deal right? No fridge, no microwave for those of us below the penthouse lol but again going to be rushing around so hopefully not a huge deal. I am glad my roommate prepped well so we had cold water and drinks as needed. The events of that night were more loosey goosey than I was expecting so really I grabbed a bite to eat and then proceeded on down the molesting trail.
Friday and Saturday were much better. More people were around, I got to talk to quite a few of them while working the registration desk, and the sessions were going on. All the sessions I attended (rope play, HOT, submissive circle) were great and got my mind to thinking about who I am as a submissive and what I was wanting to be in this lifestyle. I’ll get to that more in a bit. Part of what had me thinking was being in a massive group of people who were comfortable in their skin and what role they played in their dynamics. The couples and the singles alike just exuded comfort and warmth and made me wish I could capture all that energy in the newest greatest kinky commune ever. Of course that requires a teleporter and I’m not sure all of them would get in but work with be so much more fun if I knew I was coming to hang out with some of the folks I met while at Black Beat.
I enjoyed how the conversations kept expanding randomly while I eating. Started out with HPP and I, then morphed to include Master Void and his slave Fermosa then expanding again to include Mr. Bishop and his family (Nicole and Chocolate Girl). I dare any of you to challenge us to Trivia Pursuit. That collective could destroy all competition especially if we get stuck on random tv shows and music. And if we lose HPP might fire up the Death Star and kill all of you anyway. Later that night we ended up chatting for hours with Thunderr, Submizzive, babygirl princess, and an everchanging cast of nearby folks who were amply blessed and gave me visions to lust about later (I see you Rayn, Mz. Statuesque and Saffire).
Those connections kept spilling into other sessions, conversations and just friendly hugs in the ever narrowing hallways. I can’t say I was envious of the dynamics I saw but I was deeply appreciative of the connection between the couples I’ve already mentioned as well as others I witnessed like Mr. Mentl and Verity, Mister Blue and Blue Frost, Sir Guy and his girl and others that I wasn’t able to catch their names. It’s beautiful to see loving relationships period but loving relationships in the lifestyle can give an unattached girl the hope she needs to keep pushing. It wasn’t like I was going to be able to shut down the whole submissive thing anyway but I can admit to being less than encouraged that the right fit could line up for me before I hopped the plane. When you are comfortable and at ease in your relationship, the emotion between you is very infectious and I will say it was a blessing to witness all of the people who just fit together well.
Of course there was some less functional dynamics there as well but hey that’s a good warning if nothing else. I’ve been out of my last D/s relationship for around two years now and I am not kidding when I say the last six to nine months is when I finally allowed the possibility of another one entering my life now. Options are good and there are some but I am not in a rush to find my place at someone’s side. It will happen when it happens or I’ll spend time collecting DNA samples at the next event so that I can find Stewie Griffin and we get to cloning some folks.
Now following back up to how all of this had my brain racing. As I’ve mentioned before, HPP called me a unicorn, former Dom called me an urban legend, the two before Him referred to me as unique and textbook but valuable sub/slave. I always say I have tons of friends just like me they just aren’t in the lifestyle. I can’t say that anymore because I met quite a few accomplished, intelligent, funny women who happen to really enjoy being the submissive partner and serving their significant others. It’s possible we’re all unicorns lol but it was nice to feel normal and part of a larger whole of women, and men, who identify as I do. I may be blanking out those that didn’t fit that mold but I ran into so many people who understand the role we play, appreciated the place they held, who were respectful of their partners in those subtle ways that speak more to genuine love and connection than fear or protocol. Before I zoned out on the plane I was thinking I was home in that setting, still might be on the odd branch, but all the same my weird feathers, desires, and train of thoughts are welcomed there. So I got what people kept saying about it felt like coming home.
I know life gets you where you need to be when you need to be there so I can’t regret not being in the building sooner. Well not really. The energy in that space fed my spirit in ways I can’t fully articulate–which is amazing considering how long I know this post is right now lol–but it gave me things I wasn’t even sure I needed or wanted. While I allowed bits and pieces of me out to play this past weekend I am a bit on the shy side so feel free to bear hug, grope, smack me on the behind, stop me to see if I have subliminal messages on my t-shirts (I probably will), or ask me how I see that Batman and Catwoman D/s dynamic really playing out whenever you see me or get bored and see my name available in the kinky chat box. I’ll have to work on my vintage hair before the next big outing or just bring the damn curling iron next time. And I will probably be stalking MDhoney to find another corset–girl I love you, you have no idea.
And last but not least I have to give massive thanks, gratitude, respect, adoration, lusty hugs and what not to green lantern (cyber diva) for making sure I was in the space this time. She has been a dear friend for a minute but I’m going to be honest in saying Baltimore in August was just not sounding appealing. So yeah I was wrong and I will need to remember that before work resumes again next Fall cause the distraction and pain (yeah thanks for that HPP, miss your flogger already) helped get me through 6 massive chunks of hours meetings over the course of three days.
If you made to to the end of this good for you cause shit I know I have been babbling something awful.
You are one of the trivia masters.
Sounds like you had a very spiritual and outstanding time.
It was better than I could have asked for on multiple levels.