if i can’t have You….

i have been quiet again huh? you would think it would be because i was studying and while i did crack the book from time to time that hasn’t preoccupied me enough to just disappear again. i think the day to day grind of Him being gone has started to get to me more than i thought it would. it probably doesn’t help that every few days some massive ambush or lovely/horrible stat has been tossed around about the number of soldiers that have died in the last 24/48/72 hours. i do a pretty good job of ignoring those things most of the time but the last week has been hard. i have really just wanted to crawl between His arms and be still for a while. i was antsy all day today too and that has made this sort of self-imposed hiatus even weirder. usually i try to keep in contact with more people that i like to distract myself but i have really wanted to ignore as many folks as i can. i want Him and i can’t have Him and that is not fun at all.

i can’t even revert to my old modus operandi of “you can be replaced” because i truly don’t believe that right now. there might be someone as interesting but it wouldn’t be Him. i probably sound like a whiny little brat and guess what i am lol. i want Him home for purely selfish reasons. oh well let me go study since i’m awake and not harassing Night Owl.

before i go though, is eddie murphy the most trifling new dad ever? you dumped the mother of your sixth child during her pregnancy and then denied that child and then refused to take a paternity test until you were forced to do so. i hope little angel iris gets to see a different side of you than we have seen lately cause right now you suck.