it’s been one of those weeks where anything and everything could happen. not a lot did in the grand scheme of things. i signed the lease for my new house today and we’ll be moving in at the end of the month. i had a meeting that went better than anticipated but we’ll see how it all comes out in the wash. and then i had a conversation with a friend about something that had been on my mind for a while that hadn’t gotten addressed due to me just being busy as hell. i think a resolution has been reached there as well. it’s just a matter of time on that end as well.
i had the big sorority function i was planning for and it went off mostly without a hitch. i enjoyed the last two days of work and then came home to deal with momma and her rampant desire to spend money so we had to go out for dinner. i don’t really dig olive garden but it shut her up for a while so yippee for me.
then i found out something horrible. well yeah it’s horrible. Emperor’s father died not too long ago and his mother has been sick most of last year. he’s now having to decide what to do now that she is on life support. let me say that no child should be faced with that. it’s hard enough losing your parent for whatever reason but to see them suffer and waste away is horrible truly. to have both of these situations so close together terrifies me for anyone going through that. i remember when my dad died in 2001. i don’t think i talked to anyone about it but my brothers for a while. i couldn’t. there weren’t words that made sense to me about why it happened and what i was supposed to do without the man that watched cartoons with me and massaged my scalp and ate all the things i baked even when i wasn’t sure i had made them right. i miss that man to this day and i regret that my children won’t get to meet him. having said all of that. when men lose their fathers i think it’s a different experience. i’m thinking about walking down the aisle alone and my kids missing the funniest man i knew. what men think about i’m not sure. i have often believed that men have to come to the same place that women do with their mothers so if they die before that happens how do we resolve that hurt, replace that absence in our lives? i’m not sure. my old brother has turned away from us entirely–his only link to us was my father–and he was still going through changes with daddy when he died unexpectedly. my younger brother thankfully wasn’t in that place and he’s impressed me more each year. i’m off tangent. i need you all to pray for him and everyone else in a similar position. the pain they are experiencing is never easy to understand if you aren’t there yourself. okay moving on.
have i said i loved my Roaming Soldier, the Jonas to my Molly, the Daddy to tuck me in at night, the Man that was meant for me even before i knew He existed, The mind injector The heart protector The soul defender of anything i fear The baby conceiver The make me believer The joy bringer The love giver He is The dough increaser The pleasure releser The hard knocks knowler without the scars to show ya The night school teacher The good life preacher The caretaker The kiss craver–sorry got distracted there for a minute (see Heather Headley’s He Is for the rest of the lyrics to that song). well i do love Him and us and the life that we are planning. i love that He thinks about nipping into my flesh with belts and knives and clamps. i love that He thinks about how we are going to set up life with my mother and His daughter. i love that He loves me. that had nothing to do with anything i was talking about just now. i just thought it needed to be said. now if anyone has any ideas about waht He might be sending me for valentine’s day let me know. yeah it would spoil the surprise but i really wanna know what it is lol. okay i’ll see ya later.