It’s only been a hour since U left me…

But it feels like a million days
If Eye had a magic wand eye could turn back time
Eye’d never let U go away

Eye didn’t have the heart 2 say eye’m sorry
Now eye haven’t got a heart at all
Eye could tolerate the pain if eye could talk 2 my best friend
But U won’t even call

Eye’m contemplating pulling out my suitcase
And packing everything eye own
Eye didn’t back then but eye do know now
Wherever U r is home
Eye’ll crawl on my belly and beg U
But Ur so far away
U’ve only been gone 4 an hour
But it seems like a million days

It’s only been a hour since U left me
Eye wish eye had somebody 2 blame
But Ur the perfect picture of what love should look like
And eye wanna b Ur frame
It’s only been a hour but it feels like a million days
A million days

One hundred thousand million days
Come home, come home baby
Eye can’t take this no more
Well, come home baby oh yeah
Baby, eye know eye shouldn’t put my faith in heroes
But eye can’t c U any other way
It’s only been a hour since U left me girl
Feels like a million, feels like a million days

okay ignore the girls for a minute and this is what my brain feels like right now. Roaming Soldier and i won’t be spending quality time together before He leaves. my Daddy, my Dom in everything but the official rites and rituals, was shipped out about seven hours ago. where He’s going He cannot tell me yet and really it would just make me feel more fucked up than i do currently. my long nervous weekned with His family will still be long and still be nervous but won’t be happening until His feet step back on this soil. i think Littlest Soldier is handling this better than me but all in all i haven’t curled up in a ball and started crying. i did cry briefly after i told my mother that she needs to choose her dates to have her tantrums better. yesterday, hours after i found out RS would be leaving today, was not a good day for her. i haven’t been sleeping well of course. plans made and destroyed have a way of doing that to you, but i finally just passed out today after i got done with a few phone calls and after i just didn’t care about the pending im windows. it was a good sleep, i dreamt of nothing which is good, dreaming of RS will just make me upset and dreaming of anyone else is just unwarranted.

i miss Him of course. it’s been a hectic last week of starting and stopping with all of this. i will not disrespect the army right now even though they have completely deprived these men and their families of five minutes alone together since this whole thing started. and even though i hate him with an undying passion i will not disrespect this idiot of a president. his actions were foolish and ill-advised but he gave a scared public what they wanted—the illusion that we could stop a belief system and terror attacks with our big strong guns and fighting men and women. instead to date we have lost approximately 3000 lives of good and strong men and women. and since we have inserted ourselves in such a way in the country to leave the way most of us now want us to would cause even more disruption into a society that didn’t need us to overhaul it in the first place. all i’m going to ask from folks as i move through this is that you pray for Him and His best friend specifically but for His unit and their families who miss them and love them. pray for this country because we are getting stretched thinner and thinner trying to protect an ideal that hasn’t existed in a long time if ever and we will suffer for it soon enough. i will cry, potentially tell ya about it here, but from this moment on i will have way more in common with the woman pictured below than you can imagine.

for those of you watching The Unit then you know that is Mrs. Blane, wife of Top aka Jonas Blane the leader of The Unit. for those of you that aren’t watching, well you have missed most of the season as it was a midseason replacement but it’s a great show. anyway, Mrs. Blane holds The Unit wives together most of the time and is trying her best not to go nuts in the process, in my professional opinion lol, of being away from her husband as much as she is knowing that he might not make it home if someone screws something up. she’s a better woman that i right now because after doing my time as a military brat this was not the path i saw myself on. but we all know you don’t plot out that love thing very well. and like it or not i love my Roaming Soldier so like molly and the other Unit wives i will continue to walk the path until i don’t have to.

off on an unrelated matter entirely, me and macgyver were running buddies today. i woke up and booted up the laptop hoping to catch RS, no such luck, and grabbed my glasses. there was something wrong with them though. yeah the screw had been dislodged and the lens was out. i don’t have a tiny screwdriver. i don’t know where my back up glasses are. i really don’t feel like climbing out of bed. now that i’m up how can i fix that? turns out the smallish clamps for the rollers the shop uses work great as a screwdriver. it works better if you have the lens in first but all in all, ten minutes of screwing, unscrewing and then rescrewing (dang that sounds more fun than it was) and i was able to see again. it felt good in a silly way but i’m glad that i remember some basic skills kind of stuff.

okay i have ranted and raved enough, thanks for listening.

love ya
red