the joys of being 30

i have been back home for maybe an hour now and i am beyond tired so i have no idea how long this post will be. the trip was SO MUCH FUN. i left early enough to get there and have a late lunch with my girlfriend and wait for our other friend to arrive. she brought us dinner from our favorite chinese spot in nashville so it was dinner in lol. we laughed at each other and enjoyed one another and ate hot donuts from this donut shop called kripy kreme brought over by a third friend. we watched a movie called 30 years to life which apparently everyone but me had seen before lol i can’t say i recommend it but if you got time to kill and you are approaching 30 it is an interesting take on how people handle the milestone. being up till four and five each night catching up with women who have been in my life for approaching a decade and a half was more than enough to get me through the last few days of work. tuesday i will do all of my christmas shopping and friday i will fly out to the family. the other people that fill out my life and overwhelmed with with well wishes and jokes. i’m barely 30 but i have to say i am enjoying it for some odd reason. i know my friends are good friends. i know my decisions to do or not to do things are wholly my own. i know that the time i spend on others may not ever come back to me but those times that it does are well worth the times it doesn’t. and i can say for once that i able to adore the man i adore without too much trepidation on my part.

don’t get me wrong there are still things i worry about with regards to Emperor but the underlying fear that had been there for months has slipped off of me like my twenties has lol. my face still lights up when i think about Him but i guess i’m also ready to accept whatever He and God has in store for us. He is the only thing that would have made my birthday any better but as it stands i know what we do and how we do it will be to a large degree all out of my hands. everyone that knows me half a bit knows that’s a major step for me. i NEED to have control of everything in order to feel settled and at ease. but i have abandoned that NEED for a simple desire. i desire nothing more right now than to be with Him for as long as He will have me. my friends all noted the subtle changes He’s created in me and while they don’t necessarily know WHY that has happened they are happy that i am happy.+

i need a good spanking and then truly all will be right in my world at this moment. my visit was good, the colts lost roflmao and i know that people love me. okay good night everyone and again thanks for all those birthday wishes.

ps the velvet rope has hit its 2000th visitor and is climbing steadily