remembering what makes me want Him

i’ve been in a strange mood for the last day or so. a mix between lusting after Him madly and wondering why i sit anxiously awating His call when i am probably not on His mind in the least. yes i know drastic swing there but it’s part of the brat in me that hasn’t quite gone away yet. i journaled (is that a word) about how we met and our early conversations before this blog was started. reading back over it now i am wonderfully struck by how intelligent, flirty and intense those conversations were. but it seemed a natural progression from idle chit chat to hey dontcha wanna spank me. adding to that was the manner in which the whole disclosure on my part was handled on His. there was no awkward pause and checking to make sure i was just joking. we intrigued one another, He still intrigues me now, and have shared some secrets that i am quite positive won’t be shared with anyone else lol. my friends wouldn’t be able to stop blushing and that’s just not something i think He’d share with most of His friends. long before He touched me physically He had captured part of my brain. that part of me knows He has to be the one that pushes me further. if He chooses not to then i’m not sure when or if i’d allow someone else the opportunity to do so. not to mention now that i am fully aware of who i am it’s been a useful tool to rid myself of other men who hit on me. if the prospect of tying me up and making me squeal doesn’t appeal to them as more than a passing activity they stand no serious chance with me even if i was able to overlook the whole i am completely enamored of the man in my life now. since i’m not able to overlook it and since no one has even come close to being able to chart with me on that level their flirting provides me with nothing more than a lovely ego stroke and a story that i might share with Emperor from time to time.

i’ve gotten off tangent. i love my Emperor. i can’t imagine not loving the person that i’m placing in the position He holds for me. He frustrates the hell out of me. He periodically makes me feel like i am losing my patience and sanity. He can make me feel like there has to be someone that is less difficult to deal with but really i don”t think i could handle it any other way. when a piece of the frustration dies away or when it’s clear i was just let past another of His walls the rush and excitement is unlike anything else i’ve experienced when not directly under His ministrations. i adore my Emperor and will work diligently to make sure He adores me as well. yeah so today i’m feeling sappy, i might be cranky in about four hours but for now i have to admit to myself that as things stand i am right where i want to be. okay so now the cleaning fairy is summoning me. must get back to my domestic duties lol.