i am almost always thinking about twelve things which would make the adhd thing make more sense. but i get 11 of the 12 things done most of the time and that doesn’t track. i haven’t checked in on my exes in a while. they haven’t checked in on me either for the most part so it’s been a mutual disengagement. i made my peace with understanding that my emotions in kink are kinda eternal regardless of what is delivered back to me. that some peak emotional masochist shit and i know it but it’s not something i can change. i don’t want those relationships back. i’m not even sure i want a relationship at all. i would like to think about anyone fucking one else when i think about someone hurting me but that doesn’t seem like it’s gonna happen anytime soon. so i just don’t think about getting hurt. i plan vacations and try to live my best life. maybe next time things will be different. next lifetime or what have you. until then, i need to remind myself that i’m enough regardless of what anyone else sees or doesn’t see in me. merci d’avoir lu/bedankt voor het lezen.