I’m not sure i will get to all of those R words in this post but two didn’t seem like enough and I love alliteration. I’m fresh from the shower and off another round of purging, reorganizing, and redesigning the spaces i frequent the most. I finally got rid of the bathroom rugs that were making me unhappy. They would throw off the balance in the shower and weren’t nearly as wide as I needed for the space so I didn’t make puddles when I stepped out. Got a new set that I like and match the other set. The comforter is nice and plush and I ordered something that will allegedly help me store the extra ones easier. We’ll see how that works. I’m not sure when I’ll switch them out but it doesn’t matter. My garden is experiencing change. The raised beds are on the ground because the legs couldn’t support their weight, all the rain water we’ve been getting and hold themselves up in our less than ideal soil–that’s why I got the raised beds. Next summer we’ll try something new. Or spring or whenever. I’m also working on figuring out exactly what to plant because I think we’ll eat it.
I’ve gotten 75 percent of things on our cabinet shelves into plastic containers so we know what’s there and can stop buying extras because they can’t be seen. And also clear out shit that has expired cause again we can’t find it. Mom gave shit away so there’s some space in the garage. I know tiny miracles. But it is helping with the clearing out of space. As soon as I clear out some more things from my room I’m going to add a storage bench to the space. I plan on the foot of the bed area but if it doesn’t work then I’ll place it under the window. I need the space cleared to work out some more too. I need to hang up my birthday Prince guitar. And at some point I’m going to clear things from the closet that I’m not going to wear or use anymore. I did that on trash day. I just bought this ridable dildo that was trash and heavy as fuck. No need to keep it just to take up space. I’m not quite in a Marie Kondo (or whatever her name is) phase but if it has not purpose I am definitely letting things go.
Good unintentional transition. I’m a glutton for punishment. I mean we know that already as I’m a masochistic pain slut with a degradation kink. In that vein, I invited an ex to join me in Vegas during our planned long weekend. I don’t think their going to make it ultimately but it was worth thee shot in my mind. Which has been balancing the why of did I reach out to make the invitation and not just sit on my hands. I’m sure some of you are wondering that as well. Cause to be honest any ex I’m willing to invite to spend time with me right now is likely someone that broke me really badly in the past and I’m only able to flirt now because I’m healed up and back to being a good toy. The ones I don’t fuck with would never get an invite. And honestly the answer is I don’t really like looking for new folks and I AM HEALED. Could they derail all of that? Possibly but given my energy level and investment I think I’m okay. Lack of conversation or input would have devastated me in the past but I’ve also figured out in my adult brain that my place in anyone else’s life is not as pivotal as my sub frenzied brain would have ever hoped. They may want to do dirty filthy things to and with me–and fuck yes please–but we’re hours apart with different responsibilities. So I’ll likely end up in Vegas alone and whenever I’m within ten minutes of their place we’ll probably not see each other. But I offered and we’ll see. That made me think about female friendships that have gone by the wayside and I wondered if I wanted to reconnect to them. I have not made a decision about that yet. I kinda want to give it some more time. I didn’t invite my ex without some reflection so we will sort that out later.
Also sort of related to all of this, I was trying to think about what an ideal kink life would look like for me and it felt kind of rustic but nude. I want to be city adjacent because I want to be able to shop, work and do some entertaining without it being a hassle to go do those things. However. I’d like to have a slightly larger house–four or five bedrooms with a dedicated office and dedicated play area, oversized kitchen and a fenced in yard with a garden so I can grow things that I think my family would enjoy. House needs to be on an acre or two so the neighbors couldn’t peep inside as easily or be disturbed by my potentially loud noises. And I say family because I see myself and one or two dominant partners there with potential poly partners as well who come in and out and maybe stay with us. I’d like to be naked or close to naked most of the time that I’m home–except when I’m cooking cause ain’t trying to burn my girly bits. And I would love some pets, cats preferably and maybe a snake or two because I find them fascinating. The music collection wouldn’t be terribly different than now but maybe playing around the house more especially when we’re just relaxing. And I see it more of a free use/total power exchange kind of situation. That makes me super happy to think about. Not sure if it will ever happen though. Nice daydream though. Okay I think it’s time for bed. Night night.