i’m re-reading a story that i totally know how it will end and when it will take me through my emotional paces because i’m missing the control of a dominant partner. GN used to get on my nerves when he made me go to bed but he’d also cuddle me for a while until i slipped into sleep and would comfort me when he could tell i was having a bad dream. the gift of forced orgasms from DM was stressful and amazing because i hadn’t willingly given up control of my body and its pleasures in a long time. i mean there was more to both of them and the control aspect but those were high points for me. i need new reading material though. i want to descend into that really dark place that allows my baser instincts to run wild.