when sleep is all you’re getting

I’m watching tennis.  I love tennis.  It’s a spectator sport but it’s really the battle of wills between two given people.  Depending on the day it’s a battle royale or a steamroller.  And sometimes it’s both because someone gets distracted or injured or the weather shifts or what have you.  My digital buddy Frances Tiafoe had to win twice today to keep his tournament dreams alive.  Ons Jabeur was losing when I changed the channel and came back to her breaking her opponents serve to win the first set.  She could win the match if she holds right now but she’s gonna have to claw her way out of a hole to do that at the moment.  The more I write this the more I think of my love life as a tennis match.  My partners don’t know how dedicated I am to the process.  Once we finally find a rhythm and I am content that they really want to play, I let my guard down and get run over.  I never figure out how to play them after that and I end up wondering what went wrong as they retire from the sport entirely lol.  That’s probably extreme.  I’m sure they are entertaining other folks just not me anymore.

I have been sleeping a lot lately.  I think I’m pseudo sick but not entirely sure.  Nothing that stops me from doing what I need to do but nothing that gives me the motivation to do anything else.  Today I took a nap after breakfast and literally dreamed about falling asleep.  What time would I need to wake up and how to get comfortable?  I slept for a few hours and woke up to do basically nothing again.  I miss traveling for the fun of it and snuggling up with a nice warm Dom who has spent the last thirty minutes absentmindedly stroking my butt.  Sorry got distracted, Ons won so yeah.  I think I miss being coupled up finally.  Like legitimately miss the connection and sharing of things.  I miss serving to be sure and I miss having someone to guide me but I miss the stuff between the yes Sirs and good pet/girl/cunt.  I even spent some time looking at match makers again but the sites are overwhelmingly white and don’t even have a fair number of match makers of color so I got discouraged again.  Ahh well.  There’s more tennis coming on and I got a delivery order in transit.

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