reflections as another birthday has come and gone

I am a December kid.  It’s something I have always enjoyed because my parents never made me choose between my birthday and Christmas.  And when I was much younger folks liked partying with me because it was a fun thing to do as school was ending and before Christmas hit.  I like it now because it usually means folks are in a good mood and work is winding down for the year.  I literally will never work on my birthday.  That’s just dumb no matter when you were born but in my case in particular, I’m usually tapped out and need the day to just rest and reset.  That’s what I did again this year and I’m happy that so many folks just let me be after wishing me well.  I napped and ate and napped and ate and napped some more.  When I tried to fall asleep, it worked for a few hours and now I’m just wide awake.  Which semi sucks but gave me time to masturbate before I started writing this.  I didn’t masturbate on my actual birthday which is neither here nor there lol.  Getting that last orgasm out took longer than I wanted and made me start running through dialogue in my head that would make me cum faster which included the voices of my former Doms fucking me or hurting me or generally debasing me.  Some of the voices were fainter because I haven’t heard them in a long while.  That led me to briefly look at some of the last exchanges I had with one or two of them.  It made me realize a few things.

  1. I am verbose, like really really verbose even when it’s not warranted
  2. I am intense, I use all those words to try to convey what I’m feeling and it runs the gamut of horny and intrigued to worshipful adoration
  3. I might be stupid, especially when I’m invested, because at points I am clearly begging for attention and it’s not coming, not even a little
  4. Whenever the switch turns off, it’s just off and I feel literally nothing, makes me feel kinda like a sociopath but it’s just done

The year on the whole those was not a bad one.  Work was work, still waiting to hear about a new opportunity but that’s the nature of that opportunity.  I have been asked to speak on a variety of things to a variety of people again.  I have learned to just let people be themselves and whatever is meant to happen within any context will do so.  Getting ready for new passport stamps.  Working on self-care and self-improvement again.  Acknowledging, repeatedly, that I miss kink a lot but am not willing to make silly sacrifices to achieve it.  Also acknowledging that if I was single and solo I’d want to fully engaged in a more depraved BDSM experience.  There’s someone on Fet I am kind of actively jealous of right now because most of what she’s doing with her partner make me whimper.  Working on my language skills too.  It’s lots of things to be happy about.

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