what’s in a word?

My mind can be a jumble sometimes.  I think that’s why I keep busy because in those moments I don’t have the time or energy to overthink.  I have been told that I overthink because I’m trying to cover all the angles because my brain is outpacing the folks around me.  I don’t believe that to be true.  I like to identify weak spots so we can all win but I’m not outpacing people.  I can just see into the gray spots.  Those things can make me a great colleague but also annoying because my questions tend to be pointed as I am wondering why my vision opened up in that way and others are not at all.  I can use that skill to help us improve.  And the anxiety that comes from working in new ways is largely amazingly useful.  Those things do not make me a great submissive though.  Predicting what my dominant may need would be invaluable if I didn’t allow myself to get mired into what happens if plan a-c don’t work well or if he comes home stressed/excited/tired/distracted.  And if I could just keep myself in check when he is in any of those mood states understanding that it is probably not related to me at all then I wouldn’t get inside my head and spiral into a weird state where I crave confirmation that we are good but also cannot ask for that confirmation because then I feel needy and like another burden on his already full/distracted/otherwise focused mind.

I want to serve
I crave control
I desire guidance
I need attention
I want to worship
I crave dismantling
I desire domination
I need to be broken
I will lose myself in you and I don’t want to find me
I can find clarity in your desires, your impulses, your kink
It is only in that space where I can relax enough to not hunt for am I enough

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