Old Ideas, New Presentation?

Y’all know I like to read.  I read more or less depending on what is going on in my life but I like to consume new information and see how it fits in my life.  The last 10 days or so has been spent being cranky that I had finally gotten COVID, happy that it wasn’t very severe, frustrated that the congestion was not going away, and happy as hell I had a job I could do from my bed without fear of being fired or not getting paid.  I feel fine.  Testing negative again which is fantastic and the congestion is clearing out slowly to just feel like normal got allergies congestion.  And I’m horny so yeah I’m feeling better.  None of that is what I was reading about.  It’s just setting the scene for where and how information got to me.

Last night in my last push before bed I was on Fetlife and came across a posting on Relationship Anarchy.  In it, the author describes being in four relationships and having what he called comet relationships–people he saw infrequently but spent time with when possible.  He also included a reference for the person he read about that set him on this current path.  It’s short and to the point in terms of manifestos but seems to do a better job of explaining the goals of polyamory than some of the polyamory postings, groups, couples, or books have for me to date.  The author is Andie Nordgren and I think they do a pretty good job of making the case that if you are capable then having relationships that are just couplings that make you happy without major expectations for hierarchy or prioritizing them beyond what they are.  It also includes non romantic relationships and friendships and just you pursuing your best life without needing to pursue it to marriage or exclusivity.  Of course you can do those things if they make you happy but if you have no desire to do those things then that’s okay too.  I think the lack of random polyamory language was helpful because I think this is similar to a flat non hierarchical or nesting partner situation but as someone whose eyes started to cross when trying to understand the ins and outs that just got frustrating.  Along with compersion and lack of jealousy which seems ridiculous if we are IN relationships.  But the idea that you can just be with folks who make you happy and if there is more than one person that makes you happy, and you are honest about it with all involved partners, then you should pursue that.  You may or may not have sex with those folks but if you do again honesty and open communication are necessary.  I think I like that period whether we’re talking traditional polyamory or relationship anarchy.

Part of my brain wonders what may have happened if this was the mindset I had approached my only foray into polyamory with because I was very much in the where do I fall in your relationship hierarchy process and it was never quite where I wanted with either partner.  And we were not communicating well as a group.  One partner was super open to talking about nearly anything and the other wanted black box relationships that never involved the outside partners.  That was likely doomed to failure now that I think about it but really I feel like this could work because there are some people that should definitely be a comet in my life and others that should be one of however many there are to explore things with.  Speaking of exploring things that leads me to another article I read about group sex parties being on the rise again and that they were becoming more popular with a younger crowd.  My big group sex things were definitely a part of my twenties.  I don’t know that I could enjoy one that wasn’t carefully cultivated now.  Not because I don’t enjoy a good lengthy fucking but because the things that get me off are not the same anymore.  I can have sex with multiple people and my body will definitely respond but the high I get from fucking after a scene would be missing and thus part of me wouldn’t be fulfilled entirely.  I think young people should fuck like bunnies and if you don’t have the same need of kink to get your rocks off you should fuck like a bunny too.  The only exception to a group sex outing for me is really if my Dominant partner wanted to pursue some sort of sharing of me sexually.  Then my service to him is to get everyone else off and my pleasure will come from knowing he’s happy regardless of the sex I personally receive.

As I ponder some of these new discoveries though I’m not sure if a Dominant partner would be entirely chill with me having these satellite or comet relationships and still be in service to them.  I think I want to find out though.  We’ll see how the next wave of conversations and gets to know yous go.

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