rest and recuperation

I wrote the title of this post and then did it lol.  I’m purposely taking it easy when I can because it’s exhausting to be me some days.  The last two nights I turned off the TV and just played music for a few hours and let me brain just find a happy groove.  I’m not even in the mood to finish this right now so I’ll come back to it either later today or whenever I feel up to writing.

So update, I’m not even sure when I started this post now but I think I’m read to babble a bit.  I’ve kind of felt like I was nesting over the last four days.  I don’t have kids or a partner so that feeling was awkward until I remembered that I am in the suckage season for me.  Every May and June is a toss up for me.  The date my father died, his birthday and father’s day are all within a month of each other.  I kind of take it year by year to see what head space I’m in and evaluate what I do or don’t engage in.  This year I’m in the “I really need a daddy hug” phase and since that’s not possible I’ve been nurturing myself in other ways.  Yesterday, I ran a bunch of errands and made a good dinner.  Which for some reason triggered me wanting a good lunch today except I only had some of the stuff so I needed to do another store run.  And since I was feeling domestic, I made some ice cream too because mom was down to her last sugar free quart.  Less than 24 hours since I started I’ve made a Korean beef bowl, beef with broccoli, slow roasted chicken wings, two homemade pizzas with homemade pizza crust and two quarts of sugar free vanilla ice cream with walnuts.  I have enough ice cream so I didn’t make any more for myself.  I did grab a pack of Biscoff ice cream bars because I was intrigued and they basically taste like the cookie butter ice cream I made so I don’t have to purchase those again.  Oh and I found sliced chorizo which YES now I don’t have to make any.   I know you’re probably wondering why I make chorizo but it’s because I can use ground turkey or chicken to do it instead of pork which cuts calories and still tastes yummy.  But I was buying some deli pepperoni so figured I’d try the chorizo slices along with the homemade Italian sausage and yeah I loved it.  Also made a chicken spinach pizza with some bell peppers.  That wasn’t mind because I don’t enjoy chicken on pizza but they were happy so that’s all that matters.

I’m not responding to messages today from work because damn why are y’all bothering me on Sunday.  I’m watching cartoons, true crime or Hallmark depending on my attention span or I’m just listening to music while I putter away at whatever I have on the agenda.  Today was Zhane, Erykah Badu and JP Saxe.  Yesterday was just Luther.  Dance with My Father almost took me out but I just remembered I can miss him without falling apart all of the time.  And when I do need to fall apart that’s okay too.  Now I think I’m going to check out tattoo artists again because I have the funding for my back piece and I want to tackle it before I do the adult thing and put that money somewhere else.

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