What does little red want today?

I am nosy when I have time on my hands.  I really need to be working on some things for a promotion but my brain doesn’t want to focus on my career in the moment.  I was looking at a fet profile and someone had a quick link to what they wanted in a partner or dynamic.  I remember having written something like that previously and went combing through the blog to see what that was.  There were several posts.  The most recent one which was written last May.  I’m going to start with the last paragraph of that one as a jumping off point and maybe each May I’ll revisit where I am then.

But ultimately, I want what I read about last night. I want the man who makes me stupid about the brain to only want to play in my brain despite who he may abuse later. I don’t care who makes him hard as long that erection ends up down my throat, lodged in my ass or pounding my pussy. And if he wants to give my orgasms away that’s his decision but the dripping is tied to his control and energy. I miss that aspect of being in a dynamic more than anything else. I miss the innate sense of peace that comes from belonging to the right person. The person that rests easy in my mind and draws me to be a better version of me. That person that hurts me and recovers with me and lets me see their broken bits while letting me repair them as well. That person that lets me be soft and silly and safe with them because the only kind of hurting they invest in is the kind we both fucking enjoy. I don’t know that I’ll ever get it but I know what I want. I want a pseudomonogamous relationship in which we feed each others wants, hopes and dreams while also giving each other space to explore things we individually cannot give each other and bringing home that excitement and joy. That sounds fucking lovely.

I realize that a lot of what I want only works if we live closer together.  Tiny problem in that I live in the middle of fucking nowhere in terms of the kink scene.  I’m not sure if I can ever totally get over the feeling of jealousy if my partner isn’t local to me.  Granted, I haven’t been pushed to try so who knows.  I don’t remember being all that jealous with Emperor now that I think about it.  Maybe I just need to know going into it where we plan on this plotting out and how we want to spend time together.  Now that the world has reopened I can travel safer than I could during the pandemic.  And I think the other thing that I really want that maybe isn’t on that list is someone that is experienced and comfortable in their domination.  I want to learn how to please and serve them yes but also from them.  I want to lust after them as much as I am inspired by them.  I want to laugh and cook and play and chill.  I want a genuine partner that makes me blissfully stupid for them.  Yep that’s about it in a nutshell.  At least for now, we’ll see next year.

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