I finally figured out why you couldn’t see the old background and I think I’m gonna rock with that for a bit. I got the white blocks under the sidebar. It’s not touching the frame yet but let’s do this bit by bit. I updated the logo and it’s temporary to be sure. I may pay for someone to make one, not entirely sure, but right now I feel like I’m making more progress on this being mine until I come up with something new again. So that part is just because I was feeling good and wanted to see if I could figure some things out on my own again. Moving this blog was much easier than it had been presented to me previously. That could be because the platforms are more in tune with each other now but since I wasn’t finding anyone on Etsy or anywhere else that was willing to move things for under a grand, it was either coming over with whatever I could do or it was getting relaunched. I’m happy for now and no one, or no part of the algorithm, is reporting decades old posts for no clear fucking reason.
So the other thing that has been happening is me being exposed to new random music. I almost called this post JP Saxe is the new Remy Shand. You may not know who either of those folks are. Once upon a time I would have said Remy Shand was the new Maxwell who was the new Sade and so on. The common thread for them was they have one solid album or an album’s worth of songs about relationships ending and relationships being passionate and consuming. I discover them usually when I’m happy and not at all working through relationship issues but upon hearing them I feel exposed and wondering when they got access to my inner thoughts. This most recent episode was triggered by a song I heard driving home called I Don’t Miss You. The line that got me was
I don’t miss youI just fantasize about you Being someone who loves me
That shit hit like a ton of bricks. I don’t miss my exes. Not really. Not in the we should get back together sense of missing them. I miss talking to them sometimes and the weird things we shared in common that were just ours. I remember wanting to believe that Dutch loved me like I loved him and that was a total fantasy. I was never that delusional with Emperor. That was very transactional. I didn’t have to wonder with Mr. Wolf, Good Nyte or my Soldier. So that song tumbled me back into relationship processing and what other songs I knew by JP. And turns out he’s got a bunch of good break up songs. Some I had already invested in like If The World Was Ending and I was glad I had but it triggered my memory of a different song Little Bit Yours. Now when I heard that one I was legit like fuck you and your psychic abilities JP.
You found someone new before meAnd you didn’t try nearly as hard And maybe that’s the problem I don’t know how to take it away from you Without giving someone else my heartAll I do is get over youAnd I’m still so bad at itI let myself want youI let myself try I let myself fall back into your eyes I let myself want you I let myself hope I let myself feel things I know that you don’tYou’re not mine anymoreBut I’m still a little bit yours