I have delayed posting for a while because I was a bit frustrated with Blogger. After being on their platform since 2005, some of my very old posts started getting flagged without warning which I think I mentioned before. That’s fine if there was something in violation but there really wasn’t. I appealed the first wave and was able to have that overturned. Then I woke up late last week to a post being deleted from a different report and that was kind of the last straw. I was looking for someone to move me back to WordPress but no one is doing that anymore apparently–which is fine, so I had to take the time and do some digging on my own to figure out what made sense for me to do and how long it would take. Fast forward to my first day of vacation and the posts are moved, the template is in flux and I’m back to writing.
So I mentioned this on Fetlife but most of you don’t know me from there–if you know me at all–so here’s the news. I have been going to a lot of virtual kink classes lately. Mostly because it’s the only way for me to explore this part of my life right now but also because I’m actively in knowledge acquisition mode. Some of them have been very good but I’ve mentioned here before that the leather ones felt awkward for me because I am a lot of things but leather is not likely one of them. I went to another session recently that was led by a high protocol slave about anticipatory service and something in my brain fired up. Not that I want to be a high protocol slave because that means a lot of different things and I’m probably only able to achieve some of them, but it reminded me of my official entry into D/s that was very much on the M/s side of things. I enjoy tasks that make sense and things that I can do to improve my dominant partner’s life. Especially when we are doing that for each other. This blog is a direct result of Emperor wanting me to be a better and more reflective slave for him and I have just kept it going for myself. The class started talking about books on how to take care of your dominant–that you create after watching and observing their needs and my heart just went yes ma’am. I vaguely recall hearing about them before, possibly from Emperor, and yep signed up for that class now too. Not sure if I’ll ever need it but it fits in with my need for order and discipline.
I don’t know that I’m a slave anymore than I’m a submissive if that makes sense. I like to relinquish control is the bottom line and I will do that happily with the right dominant person attached to me. MW thought I never submitted because he confessed to being in love with me and it wasn’t that. There’s no part of my submissive body that wouldn’t adore a dominant partner being in love with me but it was because he didn’t invoke submission in my spirit. Not in a Daddy Dom kind of way or any other kind of way. It just never happened unless we were physically together and he was physically overpowering me. With everyone else there were varying degrees of submission that I willingly gave away and Dutch damn near broke me. The best way to describe all of this is maybe a swimming pool. I was in the hot tub with MW. With most of the others, I started in the shallow end and once I got comfortable with the temperature I swam into the deep end and hoped I wouldn’t drown. With Dutch, I was pretty sure the pool might be frozen and there couldn’t be something shiny in there but I swore I heard a puppy that wanted to come home with me so I dove in and didn’t think about the consequences at all. Thinking about that and then what happened in class I realized he triggered that desire to be deeper and to surrender all control again. Didn’t quite work out how I hoped but it showed me what could happen if my partner and I were in sync.
So I’m gonna head on off to do a lot of nothing right now. I made steaks for dinner with some chimichurri butter again and now gotta get my brain ready for stir fry tomorrow.
And until I get my code back for the auto signatures, love ya–red