And I don’t mean in that my field of fucks is barren kind of way. I mean in that God this man is getting on my nerves but arguing is not going to solve it and sleep won’t fix it. We just have to fuck ourselves into a stupor and maybe somewhere in the post-coital endorphin rush we can talk like two intelligent humans again.
I was contemplating shutting this site down entirely yesterday. I logged in to post something probably sappy as hell and found a message that some of my posts had been flagged/reported. They weren’t any posts that made sense when I finally located which posts they were because the platform did not identify them and while I had received several dozen messages they were in my spam folder. I looked at the most recent traffic that doesn’t quite match the views each post is receiving and all of a sudden it seemed like there was a targeted attack on really old posts and really that made me think who the fuck is that bored. The process to get the reports/flags lifted is not straightforward and you have no way of directly contacting anyone to see what exactly was an issue with the post because that’s not included anywhere. After posting for help, I found out how to appeal and did so. Some time overnight all the flags were removed which is fantastic but it still made me angry. I just paid to renew the domain on this site and the others I maintain so I wasn’t committed to letting it go dark but I also didn’t want to pay for it to be moved to another platform and for hosting when, as best as I can tell, no one is really coming around here. Except apparently to report really old posts.
I went to a few virtual classes and tried to go to a few more and I enjoyed those so my mood calmed down but then I saw something crazy about Justin Bieber of all people. Apparently he gave guests at his birthday party a gift. And it said something to the effect that he was so glad that he didn’t get what he thought he wanted. Now that could be a religious sentiment because sometimes we have to get what we need and not what we want to grow in our faith. However, given the interwebs renewed attention on the ways in which is wife basically stalked him and his very famous ex–whom she may be mimicking intentionally or not–then the gift really reads shady as fuck. And as someone who isn’t over what they are so glad they didn’t end up with–and that made me borderline irrationally angry. There have been moments when I was so hopelessly distraught because an ex was clearly not coming back that it caused me actual pain. And in those moments I would do my damnedest to avoid them. Because Lord help me if they saw me a mess and got their jollies off. It’s weirder now because most of my interactions with my exes would be online and thus hurting me is the direct result of me giving them the access to do so. I very rarely block folks online and depending on how we split up, I won’t unfollow you even when I probably should. Part of me wants to know you are okay, another part kinda hopes you aren’t, yet another part is a masochist and whatever is left is likely just confused. I’m sure I was transferring some of that aforementioned rage earlier when I saw lots of people do things that annoyed me which landed me here in angry rage fuck land.
I greatly desire some combination of the following to take place:
- slammed into the wall, floor, or bed
- grabbed by the throat until i feel inclined to claw at your hands
- attacked in the shower, as i am getting dressed for bed or have clothes forcibly removed
- strongly encouraged to deep throat your dick
- that then freely pummels whatever other parts of my body that can be reached until you’re sated
- and finally licked and fisted until i’m in a fetal position kinda mindless from the mix of pleasure and pain