i started this post like three days ago and never got back to it. that’s probably a good thing because a lot has happened since then and i’m feeling an entirely different way. i’ve been in a lot of kink related zoom meetings lately and am starting to feel like there’s a small community out there that may welcome me in again. however, it’s still no where near me and thus is frustrating. a few people mentioned black beat and i almost teared up because that was my first real kinky POC event that was a gathering from all over the place where i felt pushed to learn new things. my body has finally settled a little bit so that is good but when i tell you that it is always a pain to sort through flare ups. even though those are much less than they were. i’m working on my dutch and things for work and gathering folks together for something else and not snapping on folks. it’s a lot and i’m maybe not doing as well as i would like but it’s happening all the same. okay i’m mentally tired and hungry because i’m always hungry when i’m sick. see ya.