getting these both out of the way tonight

prompt for today: shortened–how does submission impact your daily routine? do you have to ask for things or check in? only one partner asked me to do check ins and it did not go well.  my day fluctuates literally hour to hour sometimes so doing x when you wake up or y when you get to work doesn’t even register in my brain.  it could have been because i wasn’t terribly mentally connected to that partner but seriously i would have struggled and made myself slightly insane even if i was connected to them.  because i’ve only lived with one partner there was only one time it really impacted my daily routine.  he would keep me on schedule and make sure i took care of myself and we’d have set nights where nothing else could be on the agenda but our relationship.

prompt for tomorrow: why do you want to be under someone else’s control? because i hate vanilla dating and don’t know how to really slow down until i find someone else that makes me enjoy all of it.  that sounds trite and demanding but in the rest of my world i am always on, in charge of something, being asked to do something high level or forward facing.  at home i have to take care of mom and the house and the bills.  part of my desire to surrender is finding someone that is strong enough to take on my stress and mess and find beauty in making me not only His but better.  it takes a strong man with a strong identity to even catch my attention.  it takes a smart, funny, kind of engaging man to keep it.  in order for me to really let go though i need to feel safe enough to follow him.  when that is the case nothing can stop my devotion.  i miss those men.

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