Recap Post: Week 16


So four months in and we have already run the gamut of emotions.  I have a clearer idea of what I want and who I am but I don’t think I’m experiencing what I thought I would.  That’s not to say it’s bad.  It’s just not what I was thinking about when I started.  I was hoping at this point my waffling and second guessing would have ended and I’d be emotionally purged of the residual relationships.  I’m not.  I’m better.  I’m making peace with the lack of opportunity but it’s not out of my system yet.  I think that’s what I was hoping for really.  To wake up and not miss someone.  To go to sleep and not wish to curl up with someone in particular.  Talking through the past relationships is good but it isn’t removing the want as fast as I would like.  Okay it’s bedtime for me.  I can’t say much more without sounding borderline insane.  Continuing to want and miss someone that has made literally no attempt to connect to you in months, and had continued that pattern before that is just fucking stupid.  I’m just fucking stupid.  I’m quiet a lot because it’s less hurtful than when I ask for what I want and literally none of that happens romantically.  I can’t say none of that happens in general because some things are going better than I would hope but yeah not who I can serve or submit to.  In that regard, I’m holding down the single with no prospects side of the scene.  I’m okay with that some days but not right now.  Just want to know it will get better.

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