might be rambling, buckle up

I’m going to do the prompt first because it will allow for my random thoughts to come on out after that.  So prompt for the day: How important is it to you that your ethics match theirs (assuming this means Dominant partner)?  I am likely overthinking this question as well.  We tend to learn about people’s ethical and moral positions slowly over time.  There are some things we may infer based on early conversations or behaviors but we don’t tend to do a total checklist of where we stand on ethical and moral positions. Or let me say that I don’t routinely do this.  I read this prompt before I went to bed and I initially thought, maybe flippantly I’ll give you that, that this is the privilege of someone that has lots of options in potential partners.  As a Black woman who is really only interested in Black men, my pool is noticeably smaller in all dating realms but even more so in BDSM.  There are a ton of women who find Black men the height of sexual prowess and love the contrasts of their skin in D/s dynamics. And let me not begrudge you that attraction but what I’ve seen is more Dominants that are older are primarily with partners are color–typically Black women. My age and younger though and it’s a hodgepodge or absolute dearth of all Black dynamics.  I have had younger partners, usually no more than a year younger, but in looking at who is available and what they are offering my pickings seem slim.  If I’m able to find someone that I vibe with, that is Black and is offering what I want in a dynamic, I don’t spend a ton of time interrogating their ethics.  Now, I have yet to have an ethical or moral disconnect be what ruined a dynamic.  I’ve learned a lot from those disconnects even if it didn’t change my position or theirs.  So yeah that’s where I am on that.  See the rest of my randomness after the break.

So I keep going back and forth about what is it worth to remember or forget about past relationships.  There are things that I learned about myself in each dynamic that are potentially worth holding on to.  But conversely I hate how long it takes me to get over some relationships.  Like way longer than it should and then I can’t connect with new folks because the lingering stuff interferes with my connection.  I don’t know.  It’s not enjoyable at all.  What do you think?

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