Druk druk druk

I’m getting my hair done tomorrow and that normally makes me super happy.  I’m too tired to be happy right now.  More running around, more BS, more annoyance.  Didn’t get everything I needed done today because I had a copilot who is a hot mess.  I’m gonna write this and head to bed.  Prompt for today: What does 24/7 power exchange mean to you?  I really just kind of shook my head at this.  It doesn’t mean anything to current submissive me.  There was a point in time that I would have literally crawled on my knees for this kind of dynamic.  I was really wanting to completely surrender to my partner.  Being immersed in his presence, wants and desires seemed like the epitome of service and a testament to my devotion to him.  Reality very quickly dashed that daydream.  My own level of comfort and need for security means I cannot wholly let myself be directed by someone else. I have watched entirely too many dynamics implode and one partner left wrecked with no money, home, or friend groups to bounce back into later.  Things shifted with my family as well and there would be no way for me to explain that level of dynamic to my live in parent and balance our privacy because she talks entirely too much.  So realistic me doesn’t attach any pertinent meaning to that level of dynamic.  Daydream me says it’s a moment of pure bliss with the right Dominant partner that envelops me and helps me grow in my submission.  That helps me through the terrors of failing and allows me to develop skills that support both of us.  And that’s where it will stay, daydream.

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