So I read this before I went to bed last night and it was enough of a brain teaser that I went to bed. I’m not sure where this post will end up going so don’t blame me if it’s meandering as fuck. Without further delay, here’s the prompt: When you are near the end of your life, reflecting on your choices and the years you have lived, what would you like to remember?
Some days it feels like I’m already near the end of my life because I’m just exhausted but this is something I’ve considered. Am I living my life fully enough that when it’s over I’ll be thrilled or full of regret? Some days, months and years I am definitely going all the fuck way out and it’s amazing and I may have done a few stupid things along the way but never enough that I regret booking the ticket, eating the food or kissing the boy. There are other days, months and years where I’m barely hanging on to adulting let alone doing something entertaining or fun. I have done a ton of cool things and then some dull as shit things. My life tends to be cyclical in that way. Like I go too hard too long and then need to return to my caterpillar existence before trying on some new butterfly wings.
Right now I’m in that phase of getting ready to be sexy in my wings ROFLMAO. Two things at work are reaching fulfillment. I really should say one more thing because one thing just got taken care of yesterday or wait shit Monday. It’s been a long week already. Another, we are speeding towards completion with and should manifest in the spring. Some other things have happened over the last year which is good too but this approaching thing is gonna make me just lose my shit with glee. Actually I’ve done quite a few things professionally over the last few years. What I need to do is enjoy the personal stuff more. I am on my way to one personal thing over the next few weeks that I’m hoping will be good for both me and the woman that birthed me. I’d be better with some live in cuddling and periodic consent violations but beggars can’t be choosers right now. As soon as everything calms, I may be heading on my much delayed vacation. Again I’d like to be somewhere with lovely men with lovely skin and lovely dicks they want to share with me but again beggars can’t be choosers.
I’d like to remember being close to my family as well and having good friendships. I’d like to remember traveling and reading good books and seeing good shows. I’d like to enjoy trying new things and failing and still trying more new things. I want to remember a full life rich with big sweeping loves and periods of reflection that got me ready for whatever was coming next. And now that I’ve written all of this I think that’s exactly what I will remember.