In Retrospect, I believe I’ve Made a Mistake

Happy Easter to all of those that celebrate.  I’m laying in bed wearing part of what I left the house in yesterday.  I can’t sleep in pants.  It drives me nuts.  Unless I’m on a plane and undressing mid flight seems like a bad idea.  Before I get deep into this post it’s not about anyone in particular but a series of fucked up things that are coming to a head this morning.  I seriously doubt that anyone is aware of the situations and even if you do outing someone is also shitty behavior so shut the fuck up.

I’ve mentioned before that I stay too long and periodically give people way too many chances but the other thing I think I forgot was the random eradication of my spinal column.  It’s not constant but in the moments I notice it I’m pissed.  If I allow you into my space that means something.  If you take a giant dump in that space and then walk away that means something as well.  I don’t rage about it.  I become indifferent to you.  Anger still implies caring to me and in that place when I’m cleaning up your shit I know longer care.  Mostly for my protection but also for yours.  But here’s the rub.  When or if I get pissed shit is not good for anyone involved.  I can be petty.  I can be vengeful.  I can be your worst nightmare wrapped up in a five foot four body.  What I’m coming to realize is that lack of anger at your shitty behavior makes you believe that all is well.  It’s not but since you aren’t getting the standard reaction you don’t fully apologize for being shitty.  Do I always need or want an apology?  Nope sometimes I just want folks to go away.  I need to get better about conveying that though.   That’s my fault.

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