I hear music….

I hear music and I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m making this pronouncement. As I go about my day and I think about my life and the things that must be get done, I hear music and it makes me think of you. Some of it makes me smile and other things make me wistful and other things make me want to molest you. But I hear music and then there is you.

Sam Hunt‘s deep voice comes oozing out of my speakers and I sing along off key in a full voice thinking of what it is I need from you at that moment and different choruses resonate with me as I stop at the red light and hope no one sees me enacting my own concert in the front seat.

I don’t wanna steal your freedom
I don’t wanna change your mind
I don’t have to make you love me
I just wanna take your time

He fades away and another Sam replaces his voice. Mr. Smith croons out words that I adore and mourn simultaneously. I wanna lay by your side as you stay with me but I know I’m not the only one even if no one can love you like I can and neither one of us will see the signs of what is going on. My lips are left in a slight curl as he leaves my head and heart clear and empty and full and longing.

Michael makes me giggle uncontrollably and I am glad that it’s a good day and that on some level I may not have embraced all of you yet. Sara tries to remind me that love is still fully possible and I just need to choose better. And maybe I should but I stumble and fall and wish to be as fearless as I try to inspire others to be.

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I don’t know where the brave version of me went but she probably is hiding because she’s more worried about how the words cut now. Honesty is almost always the best policy I agree but the hurt in a lover’s eyes is a weight I never enjoy carrying. And screw the hurt that could come back to me if I let you into that space where you can devastate my peace and calm. And just as my resolve is starting to fade and I realize I’m just a fractured little girl looking for a pair of big strong arms to envelope me and hide me from the darkness something totally inappropriate comes on and makes me smile. Feelings, yes we all have them but not all of them rush over me in such a way to remind me that yes I hear music and if you could dance to the soundtrack in my brain I may never walk straight, be alone, want for anything but a good meal and your hand as it caresses my head.

But where does he think you are tonight?
Does he know your nasty side?
(Look at her, look at her oh)

If you want me take me home and let me use you
I know he doesn’t satisfy you like I do
And does he know that there’s nobody quite like you
So let me tell you all the things he never told you
(yeah!)

I hear music. All day, all night. I know you can’t spend the night due to my life and your life but all I do is imagine what it would be like having you for breakfast. Gladys creeps in and becomes an anthem for three minutes but I’m not your one and only because I always meet you after another has arrived. So when you press your lips to mine the next time remember this girl can be a bit of fool when she follows her heart but she adores you in ways that she can’t begin to say. But the music can.

Can I talk 2 U?
Tell U what U mean 2 me
Every time U wander
I’ll be your eyes so U can see
I wanna show U things
That I show no other, I wanna be
More than, more than your mother
More than your brother
I wanna be (like no) like no other
If U need me, I’ll never leave
I know, that U know, without U there is no me
There is no me
Without U there is no sea
There is no shore
Love is 2 weak 2 define how much I adore
U, child
U, child
The last words U hear
The last words U hear

(until the end of time)
I’ll be there for you, baby
(until the end of time)