I have posted here more this year than my vanilla blog and I guess that’s because I’m making more revelations in my D/s life than I am in my vanilla world. That’s not good or bad. I tend to swing one way or the other with new discoveries. I’m okay, been tired a lot lately but I spent yesterday having my brain tinkered with which was FANTASTIC. I do enjoy the physical connection between myself and my Dom but the mental thing is where it’s at for me. You can overpower me for certain and I appreciate that in the moment. I really appreciate that in the moment. The infliction of pain, the soothing rubs on flogger heated flesh, the good girls and by all means the orgasms. It puts me into a fantastic mind state and that is probably better than any drink or bite of food I’ve ever had. And for the moments that feeling lingers it is seriously the best shit ever.
But it has to fade because I slip back into big red mode instead of little red mode and big red has things to do, bills to pay, appointments to arrange, work to get checked off of my never ending list. Little red would love to let someone take care of that stuff but yeah she’d get bored too so that would suck as well. What I have found out though is little red is easily brought out by a strong mental connection. The person capable of bringing out little red in general conversation should consider themselves quite skilled. It’s not she is impossible to bring out when I’m fully clothed. But grown up version of me doesn’t have time enough to welcome that mental intrusion. It tends to overwhelm me as well but not with the aggression of a body who is binding me or hurting me or fucking me. It’s like I inhale and then whomever it is floats into my brain and just sets up camp and has a party. Well not a party. It’s more like a chocolate and much younger version of The Most Interesting Man in the World sets up shop to relax in my mind.
And that is amazing in a different way. I can feel myself sinking. I feel the control slipping from my grasp. I enjoy the slip. I savor the moment when my brain says let go. In those moments, anything Interesting Man thought of to ask me might be in play. I am honest in a way that makes me feel very open and exposed but that mental Good Girl stroke makes me feel safe and loved and desired. And that mental dance sticks around so much longer than the physically induced slip. I am pliable and secure and happy and it’s a wonderful thing.
Now I’m going to go daydream about that conversation and try not to break my Hitachi.