TTF part 3: a red velvet primer

Not sure what the focus of this will be but I know there are some things you should probably know that weren’t included in the first two posts.

I am a consummate tomboy.  Despite the boobs, and don’t get me wrong I like no I freaking love the boobs, there are very few people that would ever describe me as prissy.  I let my hair go gray because I was tired of fighting with the dye to stay on there longer than a few weeks.  I have girly moments and there are things I can be quite girly about but in general I’d rather be watching sports and reading than practicing makeup tips.  I probably should be working on make up though for my pinup persona and when she wants to come out though lol.  I do like to cook and bake but I do as much of that from scratch as I can because it helps me relax a great deal.  And even if I don’t eat it I probably would be willing to make it for you provided you take it with you and eat it at your house.

If I wasn’t living the life I currently have, good life not much to complain about, I’d love to be a pinup model.  One of the thicker ones of course.  I’d be more likely to have my hair stripped of the bit of remaining pigment that is there and just go super gray.  I’m headed there slowly but that’s a pain.  I could finish my tattoos and do more of the nerdy rockabilly look some days along with the smooth and classy look.  I love the clothes, especially now that I’ve found a few good stores to supply them without me getting excited about an older outfit that is not in my size, hell any size but 2, and not in the right color.  I’m stocking up on lingerie and dresses and just bought a new pair of shoes.  If the writing thing ever pans out you just may see me and my endowments on a pinup site.

The more interested in you I may be the less likely I am to be overt and flirty with words.  I know that sounds weird because I talk and write a LOT.  My attention tends to get very sexual and in that context I’m very verbose and ready to make any last perverted thought you’ve ever had materialize.  When I’m in the getting to know you phase it’s a mixture of both but if I just think you’re cute then I talk a LOT of shit.  It could be the tomboy thing.  It could be I’m feeling you out.  I’m not really sure but my language output is almost directly inverse to how interested I am in you.  The only modifier is if irritated with you in which case there is no telling what may come out.

I really want to travel.  Like nearly anywhere but because I’m me I’d like for it to serve more than one purpose.  Meet a friend and tour a city.  Hit a country and check out a tennis tournament.  Go to a black sand beach and watch the dolphins or whales or whatever the hell is in the area.  As long as I won’t be in a ridiculous amount of danger and the chances are low that I’ll be abducted and turned into a sex slave that might be a spot to check out.

I’ve been thinking more and more about being single as the window seems poised to close on that status whenever I’m ready for that to be the case.  I have grown a fair bit during this single phase.  I have enjoyed it and I’ve explored things in my brain that have never ventured there before, like having two Doms or experiencing immense pain.  Trying to mesh either with my daily life is just intriguing, no idea how to make either feasible or an actual option.  But that growth has made it so that I’m not rushing the way I used to.  I’m ready to explore some rules and guidelines with someone provided they aren’t ready to propose the minute I tell them this.  Time and place for everything unless you want me to turn into a skittish rabbit (and I was born under the year of the rabbit so it COULD happen).

Despite my relationships not turning into forever prior to now, I am still hopeful that there is a romantic situation, more than likely D/s potentially poly, out there for me that will be more long term and potentially permanent.  It could be that I’m meant to be a serial monogamist because I’m afraid of what forever may look like with anyone.  Or it could be that I’m a demanding brat and no one human can entertain me long term.  Or it could be that I’m a clingy needy partner who suffocates the lust out of their partners.  That last one is less likely but shit anything is possible.  I say all that to say that I am hopeful but would not be crestfallen if I was still maintaining a series of long term but not permanent entanglements.

There are people that I have a very strong physical reaction to and I can’t explain it in the slightest.  They generally have nothing in common but an immediate ringing of a bell in my brain.  It can be confidence, it can be a mental challenge, it can be someone who antagonizes the pisses out of me or it can be just a beautiful body.  Whenever I notice that I am having that reaction, I try to keep it in check.  I can get easily overwhelmed by it and want nothing more than to give myself over to it repeatedly.  This is again a time that I tend to get reticent and hide.  If you fall into the button pushing category and ask me–no really tell me cause the button pushers tend to be more directive than not–to engage with you then I’m trying to figure out how to accommodate both of our wants in the fastest and most sweat inducing way possible.

I rarely engage in my own fantasies.  Not because I wouldn’t like to but I’m afraid I may break the brains of the men I am with.  I can go to a deep dark place sometimes and I’m not only unafraid but I tend to flourish in that space.  I need someone strong enough to guide me safely in and pull me out when needed.  It’s an interesting trip but not for the faint of heart.  If you wouldn’t be ok degrading me then you may want to skip asking me about what is on that fantasy bucket list.

Ok this is it for now.  I think it covers most everything.  If you have questions let me know.

2 thoughts on “TTF part 3: a red velvet primer”

  1. Hmmm, girly but anti girly at the same time. Is there a semi conflict between the two or have you relegated them into their permanent positions within your life?

    Your yin and yang personal dynamic is fascinated and weird. Thus the need for the manual of understanding. The manual entitled "Methodology and Mentality of Red"

    Will there ever be a time you let go of your restraints? Even for a brief moment?

    I am enjoying this la port into you.
    Thank you

  2. Ok thought I had responded to the comments. I don't think I can let go unless I've about a million percent sure someone will be strong enough to pull me back. I can get pushed into a zone out but I tend to snap back pretty quickly. Where this might take me could potentially break my brain.

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