Do you all remember the Vanessa Williams’ song of a similar title as this blog post?
It’s much more appropriate for this diatribe that is about to be unleashed than oh let’s say Christopher Williams’ I’m Dreamin’ which while catchy implies that one is really awake and enjoying life.
I have been having vivid dreams once again. Complicated strange dreams, happy funny warm dreams, slightly visceral sexual dreams and what the hell did I eat before bed dreams. Lots and lots of dreams. I’ve spoken to my dead father more than once. Been arrested by an ex boyfriend while snuggling in the car with another ex boyfriend. I have been in active combat, a spy, stuck in a weird maze, pretty sure I was a mom in and one and most recently well I’m trying to remember the full details on both of those. In one I think I was cuddled up with a man that sounded and looked like my ex but who definitely could not be my ex as we were not arguing, trying to one up each other or ripping our clothes off the moment we were alone. I just remember being really really peaceful and happy when I woke up. I know I’m missing a companion in my life right now but all of my viable options are either way too young or way too old. I have no idea how men date people 15 years younger than them. The conversation alone is maddening for me. Definitely don’t want to see them naked. If I have nieces and nephews your age I just need to step away from you as a relationship. I digress. The other one that is most recent is most fuzzy. I had to solve some sort of puzzle to help people I loved. I was working through it when I woke up. No one can tell me what they mean. Dream dictionaries so aren’t helping. It could just be my brain working through emotions I’m having about taking care of myself and my mother, about who I will spend the next 40 years of my life with beyond mom, will I ever have small kids call me more than Aunt Red. All very overwhelming for my unconscious brain. On a positive note I am back to the gym on the regular and have upped my actual workouts since September by a stellar amount, I’ve gotten in nearly 30 workouts since mid September. I could definitely do better but I’m proud of myself. Pinup photo shoot is still scheduled, tickets are booked to see family. Life is good. Now if my dreams would just come with a manual life would be great.