words escape me (or maybe not)

i haven’t posted recently as i haven’t had anything to say. i haven’t had a lot going on. i’ve been working, cranky, working, tired, working, missing Him, and working and being mad at Him. yeah i said it mad. i’ve been trying not to be mad because well it doesn’t help Him at all. and being the good little trooper i’ve been trying to be mad doesn’t play into the equation very well. i know it’s not His fault. i know He’d be home if He could. i know that this is not how He chose to be spending the last eighteen months but i also know i was just tired of it. and it was unrealistic to think i was never ever going to get mad at Him. the moment has passed of course but it was boiling over a few days ago. i explained it all to Him in a rambling letter that i need to mail but won’t detail here.

i’ve mentioned it before. people mean well by asking if i know anything and when He might be home but you cannot imagine how annoying, frustrating and just depressing it is to say the same thing over and over again. if i knew i swear i’d just blast it somewhere and then disappear so i wasn’t having to field multiple conversations about what we were going to do or when i expected Him home exactly or if i was excited. let me just tell everyone now YES i will be excited not that i expect it to stop anyone from asking.

as a result of the frustration for lack of a better word, i haven’t been all that motivated to write anything. i can’t say that has changed either. i still look at the remaining letters and the lovely setup that Look it Up provided for me and nothing says oh yeah write me down and make folks diddle themselves. maybe later or maybe i’ll go back to sleep. it is awfully early for me to be up on a saturday. just wanted y’all to know i was still breathing.

see ya
red