i really wish it would rain

if it would just rain for a little while i might be able to clear my head and get some rest. i might be able to curl up with my letters from Roaming Soldier and my bear (Daddy Bear lol) and ease my mind. i might be able to drift off for the briefest of moments and remember how much fun my life used to be. instead i’m wondering why life has decided to make me its new whipping boy–well girl, you know what i mean. today started off well enough. got up on time after reading a funky email from my dissertation chair the night before. got showered, went to work, met with a new client then proceeded to have two no show. i skipped lunch because what i wanted was left in my fridge. i talked to a friend or two, found a present from the candy fairy in my division mailbox and came back in enough time to whip some folks on a few online games before getting to the thing that had me lit up and all the blah of the day fade off. a familiar ding then a Yahoo window pops up and Roaming Soldier is up and ready for His day to begin as my day is winding down. it wasn’t a lengthy conversation but we got in a few chuckles, a few kisses and picked out a name for my book should i ever sit down to write it. it was a good way to end my work day. or so i thought.

nah life figured if RS couldn’t get a few good whacks in, then it would take over and handle the job. my mother who seemed good the last few days, well except for those lovely mood swings that make me want to medicate her ass and send her off somewhere, decided that a reassurance that something would be done about our noisy neighbors wasn’t enough. she wanted them out and she wanted them out today. instead of waiting to be called by the office worker that came by yesterday, she went down and proceeded to get into a shouting match with the apartment manager and called her a liar and incompetent. the fact that both of those things are true are totally irrelevant. we don’t have a new place to move yet and the little maniac that looks like me has decided to fuck up the living situation here and flat out refuse to do what she needs to do in order to make things go the way she wants because and i quote she doesn’t “want to make more trouble for me” than she already has. really? are ya sure about that? i mean damn not 24 hours ago you were agreeing to work with me but you decided to self destruct 20 minutes after i have a nice sweet conversation with a man that might get killed defending your right to be an inane psychotic bitch. yeah i said it she’s acting like a spoiled bitch and everyone is being mean to her and just not understanding that she is so fragile now that we have to be dainty around her. she also seems to neglect that i have shit i need to do and i am not just spending my time at work lolly gagging and not finding her a new place to live. when she had her tanturm about leaving i should have just shut up and helped her pack. but as i know she’d just be back what was the point in that. y’all i’m frustrated for real and all i fucking want right now is a stiff drink, a soft bed, Roaming Soldier and a rain storm. and did i mention she ate half of what i left here for my lunch after damn near demanding i went and got her “salad mixture” so she could have her lunch today? yes i knew she would eventually move in with me and yes i fully expected her to get on my nerves when she did so. however i thought i had 15 to 20 years to wait on that and that there would be someone to fuck the stress out of my body on a regular basis and rub my back and tell me that she was indeed crazy and i was a saint for not killing her.

and i am just a little fed up with folks i know in a variety of settings right now. if i could slap lots of folks right now i’m sure i’d feel a little better but really i need rain and RS. damn all that sunlight and chirping fucking birds. as soon as i finish taking my stress related net hiatus i’m going to work on another cookie peddling esque story. who in the hell said being a grown up was going to be fun? where are the damn footie pjs?

ughhh
red