this will confuse most of you for a moment. it’s definitely not my hit counter which is somewhere between 3500 and 3600 i think. it’s not the number of posts here, i do ramble a lot but jeez not that much yet. it’s the number of hours since His hand touched my face. since He left me sleeping and happy. it has been difficult not seeing Him, i’ve shared that with you enough, it’s the not knowing when those hours will stop piling up that has me slightly upset today. ok maybe slightly is an understatement. i broke into tears twice on my drive home. not massive can’t see while i’m driving tears but running down my cheeks and cracking my voice a wee bit as i sung along with the music. a girl has to sing on the way home after all.
it just knocked me on my ass for a minute. i’ll process it and decide if there is anything to be done. i’m sure you’ll hear about it whenever i finish thinking on it. for now i need to go write something down, see ya.
red
you seem mercurial, impenetrable and unfathomable. Or are my glasses not focussing too well?
Englishman
i’m probably all of those things and more. i love Him truly, madly, deeply as they say and most of the time that is more than enough. when i am lonely and there at least momentarily appears to be no end to that in sight then i am not happy and that is not enough. i would love nothing more than to be with Him and take care of Him but as of late i’m just waiting for the chance to be in His presence if only for a brief moment. He’s not making me stay, that’s my decision, i am just in a bit of torment right now–primarily of my own design.
I feel so sad for you…. You choose, yes… but… I’m not sure it is a good choice… You are consumming yourself in there…
You’re in my thoughts…
growing pains are never attractive, or pleasant, i have sat with the thoughts of leaving and not for the last 24 hours, some of which i’ll get to in the next post and some of which i still need to ponder, thanks for your thoughts