okay so i am in my office still waiting for fallout from the note and i’m listening to the new santana cd all that i am. i like the cd a lot. he’s done a good job of selecting artists to sing again as well as having a nice mix of just the band and some instrumental stuff. i am a little biased though as i have loved him since supernatural dropped and then went back to his older stuff. why am i talking about all of this??? oh okay because my thoughts are roaming around to a different soundtrack today mainly.
reading jo’s blog today made me start thinking about me and Emperor of course. i’ve commented here before that i couldn’t be a domme. i don’t want that responsibility and as a submissive i’ve happily turned over that guidance piece to Him. we are struggling, i believe, is while He truly enjoys tormenting me–the daily tasks, mind games, and assorted other things don’t appeal to Him when He can’t readily see any benefit in them. He tells me when He needs things and i act accordingly. that SHOULD be enough but it’s not. His invading other aspects of my life would make me happy. it makes me impatient and that’s not helpful either. we communicate so differently though too. i sometimes think He’s deliberately looking at what i’m saying for things to read in a totally contrary way just because He can. of course that is also probably me being on edge because i’m agitated but who knows. i should stop thinking so much.