okay so things occur to me randomly of course. i was driving home tonight and flipping through my copy of musicology before settling on one song and then right as i was pulling up to the apartment, i put on the song following this post (it’s called the marrying kind just like this post is titled). i haven’t listened to this song in a small eon. i love the song, i love the vibe of it, i love prince. anyhoo, it got me to thinking. mostly about my past relationships but the most immediate one as well. along with telling me i’m dangerous (see the post below this one if you are confused), men have often told me that the reason we are splitting up or the reason things didn’t work out was because i have always been the type of girl you marry and not the kind you just sort of screw around with. i always found that to be amazing as in my mind i was spending a fair amount of time JUST screwing around. would i have given more to any one of them? yeah probably but they didn’t ask and i wasn’t going to volunteer that information. i think i actively rebelled against the whole “type of girl you marry” thing for a while. i mean i heard that and 1) heard an excuse but 2) heard damn i must be boring because men don’t get excited about being with me.
however, i knew the last part was untrue. for the men i dated any length of time, they most assuredly got excited by me. now excited about staying with me is another question. i can be a bit much from time to time–typically when i’m feeling insecure, but even when i’m not i tend to be one of those give too soon type of girls. well i was, things with Roaming Soldier are entirely different but i’ll get to that in a minute. i think i wanted the rush they got when they met me to stay perpetual, at least until i was sure that liked me a LOT or i was sure i didn’t like them at all. i can admit i was just as weird as the men i was dating in my relationship issues. i can blame them for not being what i wanted or needed but truth be told it was just as much my fault for not walking away when i had a chance or for tolerating crap when i didn’t have to. that sorta brings me to Emperor but not really. i knew when i met him i was looking for something permanent. we agreed to “play” together and see how it went. it went well and we moved on, so i thought, to something more solid. even when it was clear that wasn’t on his mind, i stuck around. why you might ask? that’s a good question. part of it i will always say is that lure of the first Dom. you don’t really consider that a second one will ever be necessary until the first one is gone lol. the other thing is truthfully i thought he’d see that i was the kind of girl you marry. maybe he did and put me out of my misery in hoping that something more would happen or maybe it was just me being silly again. either way the rebellion in me stopped. i quit pretending to be anything other than who i was. yes i can get jealous but only when provoked. yes i can be the perfect little slut but only for the person that wants to claim me as His own and let my fantasies run rampant in His brain.
i am the marrying kind. i want to be the marrying kind. i enjoy being with one person. i enjoy planning a future with Roaming Soldier. i take pleasure in my daydreams about our family and children. and i enjoy thinking about all of the different kinky things the two of us can do to one another. so i’ve finally stopped running from one crappy relationship to the next. i stopped and gave a situation a chance. turns out that was the best decision i’ve made in the thirty years i’ve been alive. He’s great and i couldn’t be happier. i’ll be the marrying kind of girl as long as He can keep me supplied with pillow cases–not to cry on thank God unless of course i’m in tears for another more pleasant reason but i’m getting off tangent there. okay enjoy the lyrics, i’m gone.
red
If U leave her now
U ain’t never gonna see her again
She’s gonna need a shoulder 2 cry on
She’s gonna need a friend
She’s gonna need a pillow case
Something 2 put those tears on
And Eye’ve got some purple satin laces
One second later than the second U’re gone
She’s gonna miss U at first
But then she’s gonna buy me things
That’s when Eye’m gonna lay her
Across my piano stool and sing 2 her…
Chorus
“Honey, Eye tried 2 tell him
That U were the marrying kind
A faithful one-man woman
Best he would ever find
Eye guess he wasn’t trying 2 hear that
So there ain’t nothing left 2 say
Eye tried 2 tell him that if U run 2 me
Eye won’t run away.”
If U leave her now
U’ll never get another glimpse
Eye’m gonna lace her
With enough ice 2 recap the pole
There might be another solar eclipse
She’s gonna find out
What Eye like in my eggs,
My bathwater
And how a brutha likes 2 b touched
Eye am gonna put her on
The same diet Missy went on
U know she eats 2 much tonight
She’s gonna miss U at first
Then she’ll get used 2 me
All of the tricks Eye would try
2 make her take this ring
And make love 2 me
Chorus