The more things change

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So a year ago I wasn’t sure what to do with my submission and who if anyone to explore it with.  A year later I can’t say I’m that far advanced in that deliberation.  However, one thing has crystallized in that time frame and that is maybe my metrics for making that decision have to evolve, grow and change.  I’ve mentioned before on how much I do not trust overt shows of emotion.  They have made me anxious and I figured out why within the last few weeks.  The men that say they love me and want to be with me forever have not kept their word.  So yes I hear the words but at this point they mean little to me because of past history.  So it’s not fair to the new folks but at least I’m aware of it so I can attempt to change how I react to them in the future.  That also means not giving so much weight to lust or the frenzy that it can create in me.  That frenzy seems to change my brain chemistry and before I know it I’m addicted to whomever is creating it and will modify my life to figure out how to get another fix.  I went looking for THIS SONG to illustrate my point with the lyrics that lead into the chorus but I clearly didn’t remember the end of the chorus.  For those who don’t want to click and listen, here’s the lyrics in question:

And if you said this life ain’t good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
Because you’re so smooth

And it’s just like the ocean under the moon
Oh, it’s the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin’ that can be so smooth, yeah
Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it

I can admit that my concept of love typically involves a level of pain and suffering so easy relationships throw me for a loop.  But truthfully I’m flexible to a fault when I’m overly invested in a relationship.  Which is just fancy talk for when I am ridiculously in lust with someone.  The problem with that is lust rarely leads to love and lust alone can’t sustain a relationship.  Well not a long-term one based on more than physicality.  And as I am embracing all these other changes in and about my life it’s time to think about lust being the basis of a long-term situation.  I’m not there yet but I’m walking in that direction at least now.  We’ll see if this is a change that sticks or not.

1 thought on “The more things change”

  1. Chocolatezeus

    I am feeling those lyrics thoroughly. They personally say things for me.

    You are going through your growth and evolution and that is great. It is exciting to see where it will lead you.

    Our past experiences definitely shape our current and future experiences and situations. How we use those past experiences to shape us in the future is the key. I know I have used my past experiences to start the "Build a Bitch Program." And even the females ain't shit movement. All in all I realized that those ways were my choice to keep in play if I wanted to. Eventually I didn't want those things to be the only option and I made some changes.

    And honestly I am glad love and lust go hand in hand to make things a whole of difference better. But damn I do have a lot of lust to get out of me.

    I need another dose of my FIX.

    Enjoying your blog as usual

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