I have been running for the last couple of weeks and it’s draining me. I don’t mean physically running because why the fuck would I do that. But projects at work are ramping back up and it’s throwing off my chill mood from last month. All of the foolishness is slowing me down. I’m tried of meetings and people with literally no solutions. Or who expect you to be available to them but never follow up with you when they should. I felt like my mood was tanking and I didn’t want to spiral again so I did what normally works and surprising absolutely none of myself it worked.
I’m planning trips with more motivation to actually take them than normal because of my loving on myself moment. Right now I’m thinking South Africa, London and Rome. There are things I could potentially do in those locations for work so they might be willing to pay for the exploration. Taking a break and coming back to this gave me time to add a few more spots to the list. Someone suggested Trinidad and Brazil during carnival. I’m not adverse to either of those suggestions. I’ll do some digging into potential costs soon. I networked with one of the site visit locations in Rome to see if we could check it out. And I’ll connect with someone tomorrow about Trinidad options.
During the gap, I put together the things in the bathroom that needed to be assembled so I could better organize that space. I ended up washing my sheets and comforter as well because they got messed up when I was making myself eat something I bought but that was not making me happy. I know that’s dumb and the universe made it so I stopped doing it. But it meant that the space is better and I got to sleep in freshly laundered sheets after my shower. It worked out for the best. Now I’m waiting for the groceries to be delivered because I was not leaving the house today. Gonna make a taco bowl that I saw online with rice and lettuce. That will hopefully get us through the next few nights and I’ll cook again on Wednesday. Because if not I’m going to be cranky.
And I don’t want anything else to throw off my mood. The only thing that will reset me quickly now is a good hard fuck and I don’t want to fuck myself at the moment. I will if I can’t completely regulate but I don’t want to. Ahh well. Let me get ready for the delivery.