I mentioned before that I have been studying up on this new lifestyle that I hope to incorporate more into my life. I read a lot of general sites at first which were great for terminology and resources for those engaging in the BDSM world. There are conferences, seminars and people willing to work with you individually to intruct you in the whatever facet you wish to engage in. This is on top of the books and the websites. I’m eventually going to become one of http://fetish-n-leather.com newest customers. They have a few things that made one of my friends blush so I figure that Emperor should enjoy them as well. He’s more interested in my feet really which is why I’ve been on http://www.nordstroms.com and http://www.ninewest.com as well as a host of other places as of late. I’m very excited because my Nordstrom’s order shipped yesterday and the day before I found some adorable heels on sale. Dressing the part and reading up are on the first part of my agenda for my own edification. So I’ve been spending some time on http://www.darkconnections.com as well. One of their members of the month, the one for May I think–the porn star that ultimately described herself as a switch, is what kept pushing me to continue reading. It’s not just about Emperor, even though he’s part of my motivation, it’s about me learning how to lose myself in my surrender. It’s going to be so much fun getting there and really I can’t wait. But really I’m waiting most eagerly for him to come visit. I can still hear his voice in my ear whispering about how much he was enjoying my helpless state. Truthfully I was enjoying that my damn self. Letting someone have total and complete control of me was such a rush. Being sore and tense and missing the soft stroking of my body he would do before smacking me was an unexpected side rush. I’d lose my breath whenever I let my mind drift too far back there. I’m getting all worked up thinking about him now. Who knew that being bound and gagged for a few hours would impact me in such a way. But I really want that rush again. It would be the closest thing to heaven I could experience right now. I hope he will eventually see this and understand the depth to which he has altered my perception. And even if he’s not the one to take possession of me permanently, I’ll have to be grateful to him for what he’s already done.