i wonder…..

not sure what i wonder, i’m only posting now because i haven’t spoken to you all in a while and because Sidra is threatening me with her old mean self. both my laptop and desktop crashed this weekend so my net access is restricted to work. not necessarily a bad thing but it’s made keeping up with some things a little more difficult. for example there’s this shiny collar i want but i haven’t been able to show it to Emperor because i have no net access. i’m hoping they finish checking out my harddrive soon so i can ask to have it fixed or replaced for FREE. then i can resume my life to some degree because i’m stymied on my dissertation until i have it back or know its permanently gone. i’m rambling now i know it but it’s partly because i’m avoiding the obvious topic: Emperor.

truly i’m not feeling all that jealous anymore. i can’t worry about what He’s going to or when He’s going to do it. i like Him a lot but there’s only so much i can do when we are so far apart and when i don’t hear from Him regularly. i know i’m probably being stubborn because i want Him to teach me, lead me, spank me but i have to be realistic in that other men would happily do that for me as well if Emperor decides He no longer wants to. and i know some of this is just me being moody and i’m trying to stop my “it’s not making sense RIGHT THIS MOMENT so i’m out” thing as well. but Emperor seems to want more attention than i can give Him and the distance puts a damper on when either of us wants to be close to the other one. part of me knows that if He were to ever caress my cheek (the ones on my face you pervs ROFL) in just the right way i’d never stray out of His purview again. maybe that’s why it hasn’t happened yet. because after He does i may be truly sprung on someone that gets every facet that is me. until i know something more definitive, i’ll just leave you all with i do wonder…………..