I’m tired and my patience is on -200340405968. Let’s get to the prompt and I will see if there’s anything else worth adding.
Prompt for today: Complete this sentence and then keep writing: Sometimes I hate being a submissive because this is the one area of my life that I have no control over and I hate it. I’m a chronic control freak in almost every other way and I enjoy it that way. This is shit that is beyond me and that’s annoying. Let me say though I couldn’t be a dominant or a switch either. I don’t want to control anyone else. I barely want to control me.
So I’m at a down ebb in this whole strong Black woman shtick. My work email keeps blowing up even as I keep unsubscribing from different things. I keep having to be strong Black lady who knows all the things, manages all the things, and is present at all the things while little to nothing gets done without me borderline harassing folks. There are some people stepping up but they either look like me or are otherwise othered by our coworkers and we are all exhausted. My mother is just fucking exhausting. I could elaborate but trust me in that it wouldn’t help you do anything but pity me. All of this is wearing me out clearly. I’ve been asleep or nodding off most of the day. I don’t do that unless I’m tired as shit or sick. I’ve been more tired lately because work has been kicking my ass and my mother is fucking exhausting.
I could desperately go for a long heavy pain session. One in which my limbs ache after and I worry about how I can play off that bruise before the next doctors appointment or day in the office. One in which I am borderline violated by my sadistic playmate whose only desire is to have his fluids dripping out of my orifices randomly for the next several hours. One after which I just want to curl up next to my dominant partner and giggle/whimper into his hold as he tells me what a good little girl/slut/cunt I was and my heart is full as I drift off to sleep. Yeah I need to be hurt and a new dynamic. Maybe in that order I don’t know.