My body is finally healing. It threw things in a bit of disarray as I was trying to come home but fuck it we’re done now. Okay not done, I probably have another day or two of antibiotics at a minimum before it’s ready to be gone out of my system this time but I did listen to my body more clearly. I only went to the office on the days that I needed to be there and said fuck it on the days that I did not. Life is better. I can actually go get my massage tomorrow and drive down to take care of an issue with my car. Well provided it doesn’t snow again. Ahh well, I need a nap. Not this early because I am not trying to be exhausted when I wake up in the morning.
Complete this sentence and then keep writing: I owe an apology to myself for all of the times I didn’t put my needs first, when I couldn’t find my voice, when I kept myself comfortable instead of happy and when I didn’t hold myself accountable. Each of those failings has meant that I didn’t experience something new or joyful or that I didn’t maintain progress that helped me move on to some new level. I always put myself a little lower on the priority list and that isn’t healthy because when I finally am able to take care of me because I have to then other people get upset or inpatient as I am usually so accessible. Now I will never ignore everyone else and what they need but if I wasn’t the caregiver in the family or the responsible one I don’t know that I’d be writing this right now or that I’d be writing it from a new spot instead of where I am now. I would probably be enjoying a pair of size 10 jeans with my butt nice and tight and boobs acting like not sure where you think I’m going. And if I had been better to myself I would have moved on from certain things and situations earlier than I did because nothing came from fixating on them or staying longer than I should have really. So yes to be my best me, I need to love on me harder.