Fifteen and Counting: Recap and what not


I haven’t done one of these in a while for no other reason than I was being lazy or was tired or was in pain.  I have none of those excuses today so I figured I’d try to sum up the last few weeks.  I have run the gamut of emotions with these prompts from well this is dumb because I’m single to yeah I clearly hadn’t dealt with that thing as well as I thought I had to something else.  I’m still glad to be doing it but I’m also wondering how much more introspection I have in me and what it will ultimately provide me.  I think had these been assigned instead of part of my own self growth plan that it may be different but I really don’t know.  Long standing orders don’t get adhered to if there’s no motivation to keep doing them and none of my partners have inspired me to just keep hammering away at something if they don’t check in or praise me.  In that way, I’m a small child or puppy.  I need the affirmation and support to keep it going.  Honestly, what I think I learned the most over the last few weeks is I miss people and I need to let go of missing them at the same time.  Part of my brain keeps hoping for changed behavior or declaration of similar feeling and it just doesn’t come.  I’m not sure what the future looks like for me in D/s but waiting for the past to change itself is shortsighted.  So that’s what I know.

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