the inifity prompt: #8

I should have expected this but for some reason I did not: Write a letter to yourself five years from now.  Or maybe I did expect it just not so close to the previous prompt.  Meh whatever.  I read this prompt in the morning but between the rain, meetings, and class I’m getting to it over 12 hours later which is probably a good thing.  My brain in the morning isn’t always firing on all cylinders. All right let’s see what I need to say to future me.

Okay Future Me (FM from here on out),

I think I need you to do a few things.  Some of these will help with your submission but others will just help you in general.  These are in no particular order dear FM but I think they all matter in the long run.

  1. Get back to taking care of your weight and your working out.  You are happier in general when you work out regularly and when you eat cleaner.  You stumble with the eating from time to time and Planet Fitness is enjoying you paying them monthly but you may want to get your ass back in there regularly or put that money towards something you can do at home.  It also allows you to destress and wear your jeans without feeling like you are dying so girl get back on it.
  2. Work on your mental health.  Therapy check in is good for you with the right person.  Your last person was not it even though you got to process a few things that you needed to process. The truth of the matter is your life is stressful and will continue to be.  You NEED an outlet and you NEED to acknowledge that.  Yes you have people that love you but they are not your therapists nor should they be.
  3. Get ahead of mom’s health.  Make the contingency plan for the contingency plan.  Yes you love her and want to respect her wishes but when she can no longer voice her concerns or thoughts or what not then YOU have gotta be ready.  You’re already better off than you were with dad but girl we gotta lot more to get through.
  4. You have pondered going without kink in order to find someone to spend this next phase of your life with.  Girl, don’t do it.  You’ve seen what happens to folks you care about that didn’t pursue what they needed in a relationship.  Yeah you may have gotten burned in the process to some degree bu it’s not worth being disingenuous to have someone to sleep next to at night.  Embrace your kinky side wholeheartedly and go from there.  You are a kind of a masochistic, pain slut kind of submissive.  That’s just who you are.  You do best with sadistic, tormenting kind of Dominant that can provide you with a psychological battle of wills until he utterly and totally breaks you down.  You can try for something less involved but you won’t be your best self and you won’t be entirely happy.
  5. It’s okay to have play partners if you can tolerate it.  I know you can turn off in a heartbeat if the vibe isn’t right but recognize sometimes all you really need is a good spanking.  Maybe that’s a pro Dom or maybe that’s someone trying to learn his way with a new kind of pain but maybe it’s worth not going all or nothing for a while.
  6. Keep taking opportunities to grow both in your vanilla and kinky life.  Keep picking up the languages and going new places, reading new books and making new food.  Keep taking the classes and learning about things that make you happy as a submissive and may enhance your service to your future partner.
  7. Remember that you are loved, mostly by yourself, and that is fucking okay.  If no one loves you but you then you are already doing good things for your soul and your peace.  It may be lonely but not loving yourself is so much worse.
  8. Don’t rehash the past with what it could have been.  If you look back only make sure it’s to give the past a proper goodbye.  That doesn’t mean ditch the folks you used to know and care about but it does mean don’t relive what you could have said, what you might have done and what may have been different.  Things played out the way they did for a reason and you cannot change any of that now.  Go forward, be happy.  Be present, stay happy.  You have a rich life waiting for you if you can let things stay in their proper place.

In short FM, ha that was a long ass route to in short, you have the tools to be happy.  What you don’t always have is the follow through.  I believe that we can be happy, at a healthy weight and semi fluent in another language over the next five years.  We may or may not be in a relationship but we can enjoy life regardless.  Get the next tattoos, let the hair get as long as you like, maybe pierce something new and be fucking amazing.  We got this.

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