Relationship Meanderings and Musings

I haven’t posted in a while.  No good reason for that just haven’t stopped to do so. I was playing a game on my tablet earlier that had me doing the goofy happy you’re in a relationship smile.  That’s because my character in the game is happy in her relationship not that I’m in a new one.  I haven’t sworn off dating but I am most definitely not actively seeking anyone out at the moment.  Mostly because I’m not sure how to replicate goofy game smile in the real world.  I mean the immediate rush I got and the initial cool off I seem to ride out just fine.  It’s the how to keep it stable and smiling at each other despite the ups and downs and stressors that take us out of the happy goofy smile. 

I don’t want a knight on a white horse to come and rescue me cause that shit would just piss me off.  I do think I want someone that is okay with little gestures and is decent at reading my mood.  I’m not always a talk every day kind of girl because shit I’m just not.  I don’t like talking to folks unless we’re in person most of the time or we can do it online.  I talk all day.  I kinda just wanna sit and be quiet at home. I like touching people but not in the we gotta be snuggled up with each other all the time kind of way.  Things that warrant touch are great but I’m also good just sitting in the same space and smiling happy and goofy at someone.  And I don’t want touch that has to be sexual all the time.  If that’s the only time we connect then shit is gonna go to hell soon enough.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this other than it came to me again today that most people don’t get me much which is why I’m flying solo a lot.  If I agree to spend time with you it’s because I really want to do so.  If you ditch and/or disappoint me we probably won’t connect again because I don’t let folks back into the tiny sphere of friendship.  Plus my life has been super busy for the last decade plus and I have to carve out time to hang out as it is.  If you work yourself out of that realm then fuck it. 

I’m tired.  I should go to bed.

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