I’m not sure what this will be about so if you start reading buckle up buttercup cause this may take a minute. When I first thought about writing this post a few days ago I thought about calling it The Art of Mind Fucking Me. I mean I’m a girl who likes a good mind fuck. Especially if you are good at it. Good at it is subjective of course. But as I was thinking about it what came to mind was subtlety. In order for me to enjoy a mind fuck I have to not even really be aware that you’re doing it. Manipulating my emotions, behaviors and thoughts without me being completely conscious you’re doing it is the way to make me swoon. That method gets me to do things I’d be prone to say nope never going to do that happily even if it’s cautiously explored. It makes me desire you. Want to be better for you and at the end of the day serve you in whatever way I can.
To be clear I can do those things without a good mind fuck but the dedication, the investment, the depth of my devotion isn’t the same. And that’s probably an area I need to work on because service isn’t always about falling into that crevice in my brain that gets all fired up when I’ve been seduced. Yes that’s the word I was missing. A mind fuck for me is a seduction. It discombobulates my sense of self and makes me high and that shit is magical. I gotta work on being a better little girl when I’m not seduced or not being seduced regularly.
The problem with seducing me, and yes there is a problem, is that if you can’t maintain the energy you put out initially then eventually my brain rights itself. It patches up the crack I kept stumbling into and sooner rather than later I am not even slightly interested in any of the old soothing words that stimulated me so. I become vacant and that shit sucks to high heaven. It takes so much for me to let someone in, to feel myself slip, to enjoy being displaced that my whole being says fuck that and fuck you when inevitably my seducer is distracted by their lives, next conquest, or whatever pulls them away. I know it’s going to happen so I try to enjoy the high while it lasts and then try to climb out of the whole as fast as possible later.
Subtlety is such a lost art form.