Deep Thoughts not by Jack Handey


You have to be a certain age to even have a clue what I’m talking about and/or to have an unhealthy obsession with older episodes of Saturday Night Live.  Regardless this won’t be Jack Handey delivering any wisdom.  Actually I’m not sure there will be any wisdom coming forth in this posting today.  I’ve been silent for a while but not for any pressing reason.  I’ve been tired, I’ve been busy and I’ve been overthinking life in the way one only can when there’s nothing super stressful going on on the calendar.  To be clear there’s lot to be done.  My major work assignments wrap up this week but I still need to address about four other things before the fall work assignments gear back up.

I have no vacations planned for the summer but hey in light of that whole Brexit vote it might be a good time to head to the UK before their economy fully rebounds.  This time last summer I was gearing up anxiously to get on a plane in a few weeks to head to Amsterdam.  My plan was to repeat that but I seriously didn’t want to spend that much for a ticket again so I’m holding off on that return flight until March when I got a fantastic deal.  But that means I need a break and I need it soon before I convince my mother to move out (sad face) and try to live with my brother which would lead to his untimely divorce (that’s a legit sad face).  It’s not even that I need to have sex or anything which is dramatic for me to even think let alone say.  I just need to disappear into my own space for a while.  Where there is nothing at all expected of me or for me except what I opt to do that day.

I want to go somewhere and explore again.  I want to go somewhere and have to adjust my expectations.  I want to go somewhere and just eat pizza and desserts and laugh at or with the rest of the tourists.  Part of me wants to do that with a tour group because doing it alone can be scary but the other part of me wants to just say fuck it and let’s see where I can afford to go and just vanish for a while.  I probably won’t because as I think I mentioned I overthink things and what I want to do versus what I should do and the should side of me normally wins.  But if you see a lovely photo from Cozumel applaud me okay.

I’m also trying to handle my emotions which are all over the place damn it.  I’m either sobbing, trying to be stoic, happy as hell or pissed.  Usually there’s a trigger for all of them and most of it is tied to being stressed and tired but I am also missing time with my partners which always regulates me a bit.  I mentioned in a previous post that when I am well connected to both my life is a beautiful happy place and when I’m not well it’s like now and I seriously turn myself inside out debating the whole is this the right thing for me and when did I decide that I could really submit and why is it so hard for me to keep myself together.  Yeah I said I think too much.

And I want to revamp this blog but I’m not sure what to do with it and if I want to keep it on my current host or move it elsewhere.  So much random thinking so little coming from it.  On the upside my Mandarin Chinese Rosetta Stone should be here at the same time that everything for this immediate chunk of stuff is done and I have nothing to do but work on me and my lack of being multilingual.

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