The Mirror Has Two Faces

Both of mine may just be a little twisted.  I am a series of contradictions.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned that here before.  I have days that I think I really am just a nice normal girl who loves baking and reading and hanging out with small children because they rock in all of their amusement and excitement about life.  And then there’s another side that feels like I’d be better off hanging out in Arkham Asylum with the rest of the inmates.  Or recently escaped inmates as Selina Kyle never stayed long and neither did Harley Quinn.  Hmm I’ll come back to that.  As I was thinking about this post I was looking for the conversation that Selina and Bruce had in Batman Returns.

Selina Kyle: A kiss under the mistletoe. You know, mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Bruce Wayne: But a kiss can be even deadlier… if you mean it.
[silence as they realize each other’s identities]
Selina Kyle: Oh, my God. Does this mean we have to start fighting?
Bruce Wayne: Let’s go outside.

I’m not sure why what I thought that would prompt me to write about but I have always loved that scene.  Acknowledgment of our duality in a situation that probably won’t resolve well (and yeah based on the rest of the movie did not end well lol) but being drawn together anyway.  I am often trying to balance my AA regular side with my alter ego of pseudo soccer mom (I have no kids remember so it’s really just pseudo).  The men I have often been the most attracted to seem to have a bit of a struggle with duality as well.  It’s intriguing and interesting and makes my brain fixate for a while on something other than due dates, meetings, and meal prep.

I almost went with one of these quotes as they would both be appropriate as well:

Selina Kyle: Wow, *the* Batman – or is it just “Batman”? Uh, your choice, of course!
[Batman walks away]
Selina Kyle: Well, that was very brief. Just like all the men in my life.

Selina Kyle: Honey, I’m home. Oh, I forgot. I’m not married.

Well the first one may not be super appropriate.  Men are in my life for quite a while.  The intrigue falls apart quickly.  It’s not that I figure them out quickly because really as I’ve said more recently men confuse the shit out of me.  It’s that a lot of men have somehow been willing to reveal everything they feel about life, love and the pursuit of happiness within a relatively short time frame.  Mysteries gone, there’s no Batman lurking in their Bruce Wayne or Joker waiting to emerge from not so nice guy Jack.  They are great guys, sweet guys and I’m waiting for their less than sweet side to emerge.  That’s the side that keeps me panting and that’s the side that tells me that more than likely I’m a twisted little something or other because who doesn’t want a nice guy who loves her and shares things with her.  A man that wants to nurture her wants and dreams and protect her all while making her both a priority and feel important to him.  Well apparently me, or part of me.

Selina Kyle: It’s gonna be a hot time on the cold town tonight.
Bruce Wayne: You-you’ve got kind of a – kind of a dark side, don’t you?
Selina Kyle: No darker than yours, Bruce.

I do have a dark side.  Like kinda oddly dark side for someone who was as spoiled as I am or have been throughout my life.  Not in that affluenza kind of way but I’ve always been comfortable in a financial sense.  Realizing that dark side exists and refuses to go anywhere is what’s only adding the fractured image in the mirror.  Mr. Wolf calls that side Harley and given other aspects of my persona it fits as well.  Harley was a nice normal girl sort of, Harleen Quinzel to be exact, until she met the right/wrong man.  And after that fateful event she went from a lovely professional to a quasi-homicidal love slave to a highly disturbed but magnificently engaging sociopath.  I don’t really want to date a sociopath.  They are bad for the spirit but I love the unhinged spirit the Joker fully possesses.

You think after living with Mistah J I’d be used to a little pain

Except I don’t want a little pain.  I want a lot of pain in consistent doses on a reoccurring basis.  I want to be able to wake up and have a breakfast quesadilla before being bound, gagged and beaten.  I want to be able to have a semi coherent conversation about politics and music and cartoons before wondering what in the fresh hell I just let loose in my personal space.  I want the highs and the lows and I’ll visit the in between spots when I pass out after being fucked into a stupor.  I want to wonder why I just can’t date a nice normal guy because then I might just be a nice normal girl.

Ooh, I like you, Cowboy. You’re loco and me likey your loco-motion.

I think part of what led me to D/s relationships is pursuit of the man that dances firmly on the line between unhinged and CEO.  Disturbed and PTA dad.  That’s just a but unrealistic to have materialize though.  As we have heard many times throughout the D/s internet Christian Grey can’t exist because he’d be in jail for all the bullshit he’s pulled.  And by no means am I wanting a stylized image of a Dom.  I want the moments that he has to restrain himself from fully engaging in whatever deep dark fantasy I’ve provoked and my pleading eyes that push him to overstep that boundary.  I have issues clearly.  I don’t know what to do with them but issues abound.  I will leave you with two images that probably just illustrate the issues more prominently than resolves them.  Blending Selina and Harley probably just combine all of those into one giant blur of what the hell.  They did play nice together in several series and they both have complicated relationships with the men in their lives to put it politely so for me it makes total sense.  Maybe Selina is the me that struggles not to just bitch slap the rest of the universe for bugging the absolute piss out of me and Harley is the twisted brain broken desperate to please but slightly crazy part that comes out when life allows.  Either way I am just dancing into confused puppy territory.  I’d love to hear your thoughts though.


Harley's View of LoveSelina's take on the world

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