all i know is i love Him

over the last two weeks my faith in the world at large has been tested. work has been hectic. my mother has been nothing short of an intense throbbing pain in my ass. my brother has not leapt to volunteer aiding with relieving that throbbing pain and today my committee is opting to play with my life and my timing because of things they just have to do instead of being at my defense when we originally set the date and time. as best as i can tell in my department nothing like this has ever happened and probably won’t happen again so it must be something about me and the universe that has decided to make it come to pass right now. my laptop is MOSTLY fixed and sitting in my living room waiting on a power supply. i’ve worked my ass off to get ready and it feels like it’s all for nothing. i’ve been crying for the last hour and i don’t expect that to stop anytime soon. i really just don’t want to go at all anymore. yes this is all that’s left but i set it up and took all the time i thought i would need off of my job to get it prepped and back over to the graduate school like it was supposed to be and they are ruining that as i type this. all i can really say is that i’m happy i have the friends i do around and the love of a wonderful man. i think whomever is wishing this not to take place will win now because i give up. i’m going to disappear for a while now.

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