it’s four am and i can’t sleep. i haven’t slept well since He’s been gone more and more. part of it is worry, part of it is the hope that love gives you that He will be able to log on before i pass out, and part of it is because i need Him more than i was consciously aware of. all these dreams in my head, they aren’t just my dreams—they are our dreams. if He’s not there then they sorta don’t matter. could i have kids with another man? i’m sure i could but they wouldn’t be the babies i see in my mind right now. could i love another man? i’m sure i could, i’ve done it before now but none of that has compared to now in any shape or form. i am not only giving Him whatever it is i have to offer but i’m doing it without fear and for anyone that knows me they know that’s a huge leap. i need Him to love me and hold me and give me my bottle. i need to serve Him and take care of His home and keep Him smiling. i need to feel His hands on my skin when He’s focused and when He knows i just want to be connected to Him right then. i can function all by myself i know that, but i don’t want to anymore. i want that connection we have to be strengthened over time and He be both awed and touched by the depth of it. i want to grow old and gray(er) with the man that finally made me the loving ready to pop out children smut producing kinky subbie girl you all know and love. i’m finally sleepy now. apparently i needed to get that out. enjoy the song.