ok things have been very light around the rope as of late. i’ve been happy about that and about the cause of the glee. i mean what’s better than having a man that loves and supports you even when He’s halfway across the globe? i know someone will probably say not having Him halfway around the globe would be better and while normally i would say, He’ll be home soon enough, i can’t say that right now. i have known since He arrived to help defend our positions in the Middle East that He wasn’t in some underground facility tucked safely away from the world and in no real danger. i mean i have been consciously aware of it since then, primarily because if i’m not then i might lull myself into thinking oh just because i haven’t heard from Him in the last seventy-two hours doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. my reality as firmly entrenched in the next gap in communication may be the last. it’s part of why i appreciate the time we do get to chat as much as i do. it’s why i reread my letters and check on His daughter and my girlfriend as much as i do. the reality of our lives right now is we’re one stray bullet or explosion away from not having them anymore. however, i’ve managed to keep that reality at bay to some degree. i mean if i’m constantly worried—conscious isn’t exactly the same as being worried—then i can’t write my smut, send Him sickeningly sweet gifts or otherwise dote on Him while i can. so really i have a carefully crafted realistic view of life that i can periodically pretend is not really happening.
that was taken from me a few days ago. not because He meant to or He could have prevented it but i’m in the middle of repairing the fragile facade of normalcy right now. two men, two men that should have been home with their families, were killed a few days ago. He didn’t really want to tell me but of course, me being me, i pushed until He told me what had happened. all i could say then was i’m sorry. all i can really say now about it is i’m sorry. i am sorry they are dead and their families will be left to grieve that loss. and i feel horrible for thinking—but i’m glad He’s okay. emotionally no, He’s not on the top of His game but as far as i know right now He’s physically okay and for that i cannot ever state how grateful i am. there may be a day that i can’t say that, my daydreamy world knows that but now i have to admit to the same look of relief i saw on molly blane’s face everytime she knew her husband was coming home. just went looking for a picture of her being relieved, how about not so many floating around lol. her looking pensive, covering Jonas’ ass and tending to the other Unit Wives yep–but no relief. the one picture i kept finding was of her looking very happy and very in love holding her husband. i posted it before when we first discussed becoming molly. i had to go find it, i miss molly and jonas.
anyhoo, the peace and quiet is always fragile around here. between my overactive mother and my natural solitude seeking personality, home is never really my sanctuary. pondering my life with Him. the kisses, the kids, the knives along my back lol, all of it has kept me sane when nothing else would have. but because i aspire to behave with the same sort of calm the woman pictured below embodies in her fictional world i am rapidly rebuilding the framework on which i’ve hung my hopes for the future. He will be home and He will be okay and i will keep reminding myself of that, and Him of that and Night Owl of that until it actually happens. Daddy and i have entirely too much to do to think otherwise right now. so i’ll just slip back into molly mode right now. y’all just bear with me okay.